The characters, plotlines, quotes, etc. included here are owned by Chris Carter and 1013 Productions, all rights reserved. The following transcript is in no way a substitute for the show "The X Files" and is merely meant as a homage. This transcript is not authorized or endorsed by Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, or Fox Entertainment. It was painstakingly typed out by Vic Vega and made available for your personal enjoyment by me, DrWeesh from my website, The X Files Transcripts Archive


(A starship approaches from the south hovering over all... or not. It is actually the underbelly of a crane lift for an electric man named Roky Crikenson talks on the phone as he lifts up into the air.)

ROKY CRIKENSON: Yeah, this is Roky. I checked all the connections. I don't know why all the power's down out here. I'm going to have to come in and get some more equipment. Yeah, yeah... yeah, I'll need several of those. All right...

(Another car passes by the orange cones which block off the crane. A young boy and girl sit in the front seats, the boy driving.)

HAROLD LAMB: Um... I don't want to scare you, but... I think I'm madly in love with you.

(She smiles.)

I mean, you're all I think about. You're my whole world.

CHRISSY GIORGIO: Harold, I like you a lot too, but this is our first date. I mean, I think that we need more time to get to know one another.

(The whole car shuts down and it slowly moves to a halt.)

What happened?

(He tries to start the engine. Suddenly, a bright light shines down from above. Chrissy shrieks. The spaceship hovers down. Harold desperately tries to start the car.)

HAROLD LAMB: Oh my God... oh my God...

(Two beings approach them from either side of the car, looking like classic gray aliens.)

CHRISSY GIORGIO: Harold, what are those things?

HAROLD LAMB: How the hell should I know?

(The two aliens get on each side of the car. The two teenagers stare at the ones on each side of them and strangely pass out. The one near the drivers side looks perplexed. Harold stares at him, eyes glazed over, as the alien reaches in to grab him. The aliens drag them back towards the ship. A sharp noise is heard and another, different looking spaceship comes down, shining a red light down. The aliens turn in shock, putting down the bodies. A giant crude-looking, claymation-ish behemoth jumps down and slowly walks towards them, growling and roaring. He stops before them, towering over them and roaring in their faces. The alien that had been dragging Chrissy looks at the other one.)

ALIEN: Jack... what is that thing?

ABDUCTED SMOKING ALIEN: How the hell should I know?

(Their masks move as they talk. The behemoth roars.)



(Jose Chung, famous author and philosopher, walks towards Mulder's "I Want to Believe" poster.)

JOSE CHUNG: I had never thought much about it before. I guess that's because I always felt like such an alien myself. That to be concerned with aliens from... other planets, that just seemed so, uh... redundant.

SCULLY: Well, I'd never actually much considered it myself before I started this job.

JOSE CHUNG: Yes. Now, if I understand it correctly, your partner is the, uh, actual expert?

SCULLY: Yes, and I feel that I must apologize for his refusal to speak with you, Mister Chung, but, uh, I must admit, I probably wouldn't have myself if I wasn't such an admirer of your work.


SCULLY: "The Lonely Buddha" is one of my favorite novels.

(He chuckles.)

JOSE CHUNG: And hear I was thinking you were just some... brainy beauty. Now I find out that you also have good taste.

(She smiles as he walks around the desk and sits down.)

SCULLY: What made you decide to write a book about an alien abduction if you're not that interested in the subject yourself?

(She sits across from him.)

JOSE CHUNG: Actually? It was my publisher's idea. At first I was reluctant, until I realized that I had an opportunity here to create an entirely new literary genre... a non-fiction science fiction. Now, see, that gimmick alone will guarantee it's landing on the best-seller list. In short, to answer your question? Money.

SCULLY: Well... just as long as you're attempting to record the truth.

JOSE CHUNG: Oh, God, no. How can I possibly do that?

SCULLY: What do you mean?

JOSE CHUNG: I spent three months in Klass County and everybody there has a different version of what truly happened. Truth is as subjective as reality. That will help explain why when people talk about their "UFO experiences," they always start off with "well, now, I know how crazy this is going to sound... but."

SCULLY: So you're here to get my version of the truth?

(He holds her hand.)

JOSE CHUNG: Exactly.

(He picks up his pen and puts it to paper.)

Now, when did you first find out about the case?

SCULLY: Well... not right away, of course. Um... not enough time had elapsed for it to be considered a missing person's case before the girl was found the following morning.


(The car sits on the side of the road, stranded. Scully talks over the scene. Inside the car, Chrissy sits, curled up in a ball, a blank expression on her face.)

SCULLY: She was suffering from what my partner calls "missing time." She recalled nothing of the previous night, nor how she had arrived at her present whereabouts. Her body exhibited signs of physical abuse, and all of her clothes were on backwards or inside-out.

(She plays with a button on her shirt, which is the wrong way. Cut to the office.)

JOSE CHUNG: Have I had my share of mornings like that. Oh, but these have the characteristics of someone who has...

(He motions for her to wait a second and flips back a page in his notebook.)

Uh, do you prefer the term "abductee" or "experiencer?"

SCULLY: Actually, I prefer neither, but my partner uses "abductee."

JOSE CHUNG: My preference is for the other.

(He leans in and whispers.)

"I've just had a, uh... little alien experience." As opposed to, "I've just been abducted!"

(He points at her with his pen and starts to write down things.)

SCULLY: Well, regardless, the girl was considered neither at the time. She appeared more to be the victim of date rape than anything else.

(He shrugs a little and writes it down. Cut to Chrissy's bedroom, where she is sleeping. Scully talks over the scene.)

She was given a physical exam and her statement was taken. Later that night, she received her... visitation.

(Chrissy, with a visible scar on her cheek, wakes up and wipes some blood off her nose. The nosebleed has dripped down onto the pillow. She looks at the foot of her bed and sees an alien reaching out to grab her. She screams and turns on the light to reveal her stuffed cat. The cat is then punted across the room. A rattling is head from the other side of the room and she turns off the lights, scared. Looking out at the window, she sees a giant shadow stretching across the lawn. She gasps, then looks again to see Harold walking away. She opens the window.)

HAROLD LAMB: Oh, Chrissy, thank God you're all right.

CHRISSY GIORGIO: How dare you come here.

HAROLD LAMB: Chrissy, I did everything I could.

CHRISSY GIORGIO: Don't I know it, you bastard.

HAROLD LAMB: Chrissy! Don't you remember?

FATHER: What the hell is going on up there?

HAROLD LAMB: Chrissy! I love you!

(He runs away. Scully starts her voice-over again.)

SCULLY: The father informed the police, who apprehended the boy back at his own home.

(Harold sits in a chair in an interrogation room. Detective Manners paces in the back, another man sitting across from Harold.)

HAROLD LAMB: We... we were abducted by aliens.

MANNERS: You don't sound so sure of it.

HAROLD LAMB: It all seems so crazy, and I don't know why Chrissy doesn't remember it.

MANNERS: You're willing to take a lie detector test to prove you were abducted by creatures from outer space?


MANNERS: Well, too bad! 'Cause I don't need no lie detector to tell me the only thing you were abducted by were your rampaging hormones, you punk!

(Harold looks away in sorrow. Jose and Scully talk over.)

JOSE CHUNG: But he did take a test and passed it?

SCULLY: And he stuck to his story... until we got there.

(Seemingly no time has passed, but Scully is now sitting where the other man was and Mulder is walking across the room.)

HAROLD LAMB: If she says I raped her, then... I guess I raped her.

MULDER: You don't sound so sure of that.

HAROLD LAMB: It all seems so crazy, and I don't know why Chrissy remembers it that way.

MULDER: Would you be willing to take a lie detector test to prove that you raped her?

(Harold will not look up at the agents.)

HAROLD LAMB: No, I'm not.

MULDER: Well, that's too bad. Because the next rape you experience will probably be your own... in prison.

(Harold looks back down at the desk. Scully talks over.)

SCULLY: That should have ended our investigation, but Mulder brought the girl in for questioning.

(Chrissy sits across from Mulder. Scully is leaning against the door at the back wall. Chrissy's parents sit in the back.)

MULDER: Are you having trouble sleeping? Are you experiencing muscle pains? Vision problems? Nose bleeds? When you look at a particular object, do you receive the sudden flash that you're actually looking at something else? An alien's face?


(Mulder turns and talks to her parents. Scully rolls her eyes. Scully talks over the scene.)

SCULLY: So, my partner became convinced that she was suffering from what he calls "post-abduction syndrome."

JOSE CHUNG: You don't believe in the disorder?

SCULLY: Well, I think that stress of any kind can cause all of those physical ailments. In any case, Mulder convinced the girl and her parents to let her be hypnotized.

(Mulder turns back to Chrissy. Cut to the X-Files office.)

JOSE CHUNG: What is your opinion of hypnosis?

SCULLY: I know that it has its therapeutic value, but it has never been proven to enhance memory. In fact, it actually worsens it since, since, since people in that state or prone to confabulation.

JOSE CHUNG: When I was doing research for my book "The Caligarian Candidate..."

SCULLY: One of the greatest thrillers ever written.


(He chuckles.)

Thank you. I was, uh... interested in how the C.I.A., when conducting their MK-Ultra mind control experiments back in the '50s, had no idea how hypnosis went.


JOSE CHUNG: Or what it was.

SCULLY: No one still knows.

JOSE CHUNG: Still, as a storyteller, I'm fascinated how a person's sense of consciousness can be... so transformed by nothing more magical than listening to words. Mere words.

(Cut to the interrogation room. Doctor Fingers sits across from Chrissy very closely. In the background, Chrissy's parents are sitting down in the back like before. Manners is standing, then Mulder is more to the front. Scully is still leaning on the door in the back. His voice is very soothing and slow. She is sitting in a recliner, eyes closed.)

FINGERS: You are feeling very sleepy, very relaxed. As your body calmly drifts deeper and deeper into a state of peaceful relaxation, you will respond only to the sound of my voice.

(She opens her eyes as the room starts to become shaky in her vision. She gasps as everyone is replaced by aliens, down to one still holding Manners' cup of coffee. As the "Fingers" alien talks, the mouth does not move.)

Chrissy? Can you recall where you are?

(Chrissy is hooked onto a glass table with white lines all over it up against the wall. She and Fingers talk over the scene.)

CHRISSY GIORGIO: I'm in a room... on a spaceship... surrounded by aliens.

FINGERS: What do the aliens look like?

CHRISSY GIORGIO: They're small... but their heads and their eyes are big. They're gray.

FINGERS: Are you alone?

(She looks to her left and sees Harold on a similar table, one hooked to the floor.)

CHRISSY GIORGIO: No, Harold's on another table... but he seems really out of it... like he's not really there.

(In reality, the table has donuts and coffee on it.)

FINGERS: What are the aliens doing now?

CHRISSY GIORGIO: They're sort of arguing. I sort of hear them but I can't understand what they're saying.

(The aliens bicker illegibly. The "Scully" alien walks over to the "Mulder" alien. She and Fingers still talk over the scene.)

Except the leader. I can understand him.

FINGERS: When the leader speaks to you, does his mouth move?


(She starts to cry.)

But I hear him in my head.

FINGERS: What is he saying?

CHRISSY GIORGIO: He's telling me this is for the good of my planet, but...

FINGERS: But what?

CHRISSY GIORGIO: I don't like what he's doing. It's like he's inside my mind, like... like he's stealing my memories.

(Mulder looks at Scully. Later, Chrissy is being led out of the room.)

MULDER: The description of the aliens, the physical exam, the mindscan, the presence of another human being that appears switched off, it's all characteristic of a typical abduction.

SCULLY: That's my problem with it, Mulder. It's all a little too typical. Abduction lore has become so prevalent in our society that you can ask someone to imagine what it would be like to be abducted and they'd concoct an identical scenario.

MULDER: Yeah, if it were only one person, Scully, but we have two individuals here, each verifying the other's story.

(Manners walks over to them.)

MANNERS: Well, thanks a lot! You really bleeped up this case.

(Cut to present day.)

SCULLY: Well, of course, he didn't actually say "bleeped." He said...

JOSE CHUNG: I'm, uh, familiar with, uh, Detective Manners' colorful phraseology.

(Cut back to the interrogation room.)

MULDER: You still going to hold the boy?

MANNERS: Oh, you bet your blankety-blank bleep I am.

MULDER: But the victim seems to confirm his alibi.

MANNERS: The hell she did! Those kids' stories couldn't be more bleeping different.

(He walks away. Scully rubs her forehead.)


(Harold sits in a small cell. Screams echo throughout the room, which is so long it seems to have no end, covered with small jail cells. He grabs the bars and pulls away in pain, gasping. Over the room, other bars spark. He looks down at Chrissy, who is sleeping in the cell with him.)

HAROLD: Chrissy! Chrissy!

(He looks over at another gray alien in the next cell.)

What do you want with us?

(The alien looks at him.)

What do you want with us?!

(Cut to the interrogation room.)

MULDER: How did the alien respond?

HAROLD LAMB: Well... all he did was...

(Cut back to the alien. Harold talks over the scene as the alien raises a cigarette to his mouth and takes a drag. He leaves it in his mouth as Harold looks on in awe. Chrissy wakes and looks at the Abducted Smoking Alien.)

CHRISSY GIORGIO: What, what's happening?

HAROLD LAMB: Don't worry, it'll okay. I'm here to protect you. I'll never let anything happen to you.

(The roof of the cell slides open and a bright light shines down. The behemoth roars and she screams as she is pulled from the cage. The doors slide shut. Her screams drift off. Cut to the interrogation room.)

MULDER: What was the other alien, the gray, what was it doing during all this.

(Scully walks up behind Harold.)

HAROLD LAMB: He was just... talking.

MULDER: Telepathically?

HAROLD LAMB: No. In english. He just kept saying the same thing over and over again.

(Cut to the Abducted Smoking Alien, who has his head in his hands.)

ABDUCTED SMOKING ALIEN: This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening...

HAROLD LAMB: Would you shut up already?

(The roof to Harold's cell slide open again and he is pulled out as the behemoth roars.)

No! No!

(The doors slam shut.)

ABDUCTED SMOKING ALIEN: This is not happening. This is not happening.

(Cut back to the interrogation room.)

HAROLD LAMB: I don't know where I was taken, because the whole time I was like this, in pain.

(He shows how he held up his arms to block the shots.)

MULDER: Because the other alien was conducting torturous experiments on you?

HAROLD LAMB: No... no, it was like... you know, you know when you were a kid and you tore the legs off a bug for no reason? I guess I was the bug. Anyways, the next thing I remember, I was suddenly outside... like I was flying through the air or something.

MULDER: Then what?

HAROLD LAMB: And then I think I hit the ground. When I came to, I, I immediately ran to Chrissy's to make sure she was there and that she was okay.

SCULLY: Harold... did you and Chrissy engage in consensual sexual intercourse that night?

(Harold looks away.)

HAROLD LAMB: If her father finds out, I'm a dead man.

(Later, the agents sit across from each other in the empty room.)

MULDER: He said it happened before the abduction. So what if they had sex?

SCULLY: So we know that it wasn't an alien who probed her. Mulder, you've got two kids having sex before they're mature enough to know how to handle it.

MULDER: So you're saying that all this is just a case of sexual trauma?

SCULLY: It's a lot more plausible than an alien abduction, especially in light of their contradictory stories.

(Manners barges in.)

MANNERS: Hey! I just got a call from some crazy bleep-head saying he was an eyewitness to this alien abduction. Do you feel like talking to this blank-hole?


(Roky is sitting at his artist's desk in the basement, papers in front of him. Mulder and Scully are standing on either side of him.)

ROKY CRIKENSON: I know how crazy all this sounds, but I don't care. What I have to say has to be said.

SCULLY: Why did you wait till now to tell us this information? Two kids' lives may be affected by it.

ROKY CRIKENSON: Well, it, it's bigger than a couple of kids. It has to do with the entire planet... the universe and who knows what else!

MULDER: Why don't you tell us what happened that night?


(He holds up a document.)

It's all here. After seeing what I saw that night, I rushed right home and wrote it all down. Forty-eight hours straight. I didn't want to forget a single detail.

(Mulder reaches for it, but Roky holds up his hand in protest.)

But I feel that I should warn you, I don't want to be overly dramatic here, but by looking at this, you're putting your lives in danger.

MULDER: Why is that?

ROKY CRIKENSON: Because last night, the weirdest thing happened.

(Cut to the previous night. Roky is sitting at his artist's desk, drawing, when the garage door opens up. He turns to see a black sedan with more than just a slight resemblance to the Batmobile pull in. The garage door closes as Roky stares in awe. The window slides down to reveal a man in black.

1ST MAN IN BLACK: No other object as been misidentified as a flying saucer more often than the planet Venus.


(Seemingly no time has passed, but Mulder and Scully are back in the room.)

That was when I realized something was weird.

SCULLY: At which point?

ROKY CRIKENSON: See, normally, if two strangers drive into my garage, I tell them to get the hell off the property. But this time, I didn't! It was like I was in a trance or something.

MULDER: What did these men look like?

ROKY CRIKENSON: Usually, I'm really good with faces, but this time, all I can remember is how they were dressed. They were...

MULDER: All in black?

(Roky stares at him, then looks at Scully, then slumps back slightly, staring at Mulder.)

ROKY CRIKENSON: How'd you know that?

MULDER: Since the '50s, people who have had close encounters have reported subsequent visits by these unearthly men in black.

(Scully seems like she thinks this is all ridiculous. Jose Chung talks over the scene.)

JOSE CHUNG: But you know, myths about men in black garments...

(Cut back to the present day, X-Files office.)

...have been recorded throughout history in many different cultures. The Celtic legends are filled with trickster men in black and how anyone who encounters them becomes enchanted.

SCULLY: Unfortunately, I'm not sure that modern reconstruction of ancient fairy tales lends any more credence to Roky's testimony.

(Cut back to the garage. The man in black steps out of the car and walks slowly towards Roky.)

1ST MAN IN BLACK: Even the former leader of your United States of America, James Earl Carter Jr., thought he saw a UFO once...

(He looks down at the document, which reads "The Truth About Aliens by Roky Crikenson.")

But it's been proven he only saw the planet Venus.

(Roky grabs the document and clutches it close to his chest, leaning back in his chair as far as possible.)

ROKY CRIKENSON: I'm a republican.

1ST MAN IN BLACK: Venus was at its peak brilliance last night. You probably thought you saw something up in the sky other than Venus, but I assure you, it was Venus.


(Roky sits up, but the man in black pushes him back to where he was.)

What I saw.

(The man in black leans in as he talks, basically scaring the hell out of Roky.)

1ST MAN IN BLACK: Your scientists have yet to discover how neural networks create self-consciousness, let alone how the human brain processes two-dimensional retinal images into the three-dimensional phenomenon known as perception.

(The man in black stands and holds his arms in disbelief.)

Yet you somehow brazenly declare seeing is believing?

(The second man in black walks over to Roky, his face shaded to all but Roky.)

Mister Crikenson, your scientific illiteracy makes me shudder, and I wouldn't flaunt your ignorance by telling anyone that you saw anything last night other than the planet Venus, because if you do, you're a dead man.

(He gets back in the car. The second man in black is already in.)

ROKY CRIKENSON: You... can't threaten me.

1ST MAN IN BLACK: I just did.

(He rolls up the window. The garage door opens and the MIB's car pulls out of the garage backwards and speeds back the way it came, backwards. Roky stares in disbelief. Seemingly no time has passed, but Roky passes the document to Mulder.)

ROKY CRIKENSON: This is what they wanted me not to show anyone.

(Mulder looks at it as Roky stands.)

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go pack.

MULDER: If we have any more questions, where can we find you?

ROKY CRIKENSON: You won't find me.

(Mulder looks up at him. Roky leaves.)


(Mulder sits on a bed across from another, which has Scully in it. Mulder reads from the document.)

MULDER: " I sat in my stalled truck, frozen in terror, watching as this third alien attacked the other two gray aliens. And then it happened, the thing that forever changed my life...

(Cut to the past. Roky drives up in his electric company crane car and stops next to the abandoned car. The crude-looking behemoth roaring, swings at the other two grays, who duck under his blows. Roky leans over, shrinking down in his seat. Footsteps approach and the behemoth roars. A thunderous voice echoes through the area.)


(Roky sits up slightly to see the giant behemoth standing next to the car, talking to him.)

Be thou not afraid! No harm will come unto thee.

ROKY CRIKENSON: Wh, what do you want from me?

LORD KINBOTE: Your efforts are needed for the survival of all earthlings.

ROKY CRIKENSON: How can I do that?

(The behemoth motions for him to come out of the car.)

LORD KINBOTE: Come. I shall showeth...

(Cut back to the motel room. Mulder is still reading.)

MULDER: "...thee. Before I knew it, I was aboard the hover vessel and was not heading into outer space, but inner space, heading towards the earth's molten core. For that is the domain of the third alien, whose name, he soon told me... was Lord Kinbote."

(Mulder looks up at Scully. Cut to the X-Files office.)

SCULLY: In short, Roky showed signs of being what is known as a fantasy-prone personality.

JOSE CHUNG: Agent Scully, you are so kindhearted. He's a nut! I just read his manifesto!

SCULLY: How did you get a copy?

(He pulls out the manifesto.)

JOSE CHUNG: One was sent to my publishers. I don't know what was more disturbing... his description of the inner core reincarnated souls sex orgy... or the fact that the whole thing is written in screenplay format.

SCULLY: It definitely was peculiar.

JOSE CHUNG: Well, surely, your partner didn't believe any of it?

SCULLY: Wh, wh, well, Mulder's had his share of peculiar notions. He's not inclined to dismiss anything outright.

(Cut back to the motel room.)

Mulder, you're nuts!

MULDER: I'm not saying he isn't delusional, I'm just suggesting that his delusional state was triggered by something he actually witnessed that night. And the first part of his story verifies the boy's version. In fact, the only version that doesn't add up is the girl's.

(He picks up the phone and starts to dial.)

SCULLY: Who are you calling?

MULDER: I'm going to arrange to have her re-hypnotized.

SCULLY: Re-hypnotized? What for?

MULDER: To see if what she remembers is really what she remembers.

(Once again, in the interrogation room, everybody is standing as before.)

FINGERS: You are feeling very sleepy, very relaxed. As your body calmly drifts deeper and deeper into a state of peaceful relaxation, you will respond only to the sound of my voice.

(Scully talks over the scene.)

SCULLY: So the girl was put under again to see if she could confirm any of the boy's story. And as I suspected she might under such conditions, she did.

(Chrissy holds up her hands to show how she blocked the shots.)

CHRISSY GIORGIO: The whole time it's beating me, I'm like this. And then I, I'm flying through the air.

(She slowly lowers her hands. The room becomes wavy again. Manners takes a sip of his coffee.)

FINGERS: Now what's happening?

CHRISSY GIORGIO: Some men are lifting me off the ground... men in Air Force uniforms.

MULDER: Air Force?

FINGERS: Where are you now, Chrissy?

(Chrissy sits in a chair in a bright room. In front of her now are not aliens, but C.I.A. men and such standing in the same position as the others did. Chrissy and Fingers talk over the scene.)

CHRISSY GIORGIO: I'm in a room. In an office. I'm surrounded by men. Some are in uniforms, some are in suits.

FINGERS: What is he saying?

(The man replacing Doctor Fingers talks.)

HAND: You're feeling very sleepy, very relaxed.

CHRISSY GIORGIO: I don't remember.

FINGERS: What are the other men doing?

CHRISSY GIORGIO: They seem to be arguing.

(The man replacing Manners now speaks.)

AIR FORCE MAN #1: Ask her if this third alien had a Russian accent.

(Now the man replacing Mulder talks.)

CIA MAN #1: This is way beyond their capabilities. This is way beyond our capabilities.

CIA MAN #2: Ask if she knows where the gray alien's saucer went to.

CIA MAN #1: How is she going to know that?

AIR FORCE MAN #1: Have we located any of the others?

CIA MAN #2: We're combing the area but this weather makes it tough.

(The man replacing Scully walks up to her.)

CIA MAN #1: All right. Rinse her out and give her the usual abduction rigmarole.

FINGERS: What is the doctor doing now?

CHRISSY GIORGIO: He's telling me this is for the good of my country. I don't like what he's doing. He's stealing my memories.

(Later, Scully and Mulder talk in the empty interrogation room.)

SCULLY: Mulder, I think you and the hypnotherapist were leading her and I think there was more confabulation in the second version than in the first.

MULDER: No, I think you're wrong about that, Scully. But I do think you're right about one thing, that this case might not have anything to do with aliens.

(Manners walks in.)

MANNERS: Hey, I just got a call from some crazy blankety-blank claiming he found a real live dead alien body.

(Mulder and Scully look at each other.)


(Blaine is sitting on his bed. Chung is sitting at the desk.)

BLAINE FAULKNER: I know how crazy this is going to sound, but... I want to be abducted by aliens.

JOSE CHUNG: Why? Whatever for?

BLAINE FAULKNER: I hate this town. I hate... people. I just want to be taken away to someplace where I... I don't have to worry about finding a job.

JOSE CHUNG: So you were out in the field that night?

(Blaine nods.)


(Cut to a wooded area. Blaine walks through the tall underbrush, carrying a flashlight. Blaine and Chung talk over the scene.)

There had been some recent sightings so I was just hoping to stumble across one.

(Blaine yells and falls flat on his face as he trips over something.)

Now, I've read every book ever written about UFOs and aliens, not because I had to, but because I wanted to.

(Blaine looks back at the thing, puts on his glasses and shines his flashlight. He gasps and tries to struggle to his feet and crawls off in the other direction of his findings.)

I should've known to just go get my video camera then instead of notifying the proper authorities.

(He runs off. After, he watches a black car, much like the MIB one, pull up next to a police car.)

JOSE CHUNG: What was wrong with doing that?

BLAINE FAULKNER: Because the proper authorities showed up with a couple of men in black.

(The "men in black," Scully and Mulder, get out of their car, carrying flashlights, and slowly walk towards him.)

One of them was disguised as a woman, but wasn't pulling it off. Like, her hair was red but it was a little too red, you know? And the other one... the tall, lanky one... his face was so blank and expressionless. He didn't even seem human. I, I think he was a mandroid.

(Blaine turns around, wincing, feeling stupid and afraid. Mulder indeed shows no emotion as they approach the dead gray alien's body.)

The only time he reacted was when he saw the dead body.

(Mulder lets out a very girlie, high-pitched shriek.)

MANNERS: Yeah, that's a bleeping dead alien body if I ever bleeping saw one.

SCULLY: Wrap it up.

OFFICER: You got him?

(Two officers do so. Manners, Mulder and another officer walk away. Scully looks at Blaine, then grabs him by the collar. Blaine gasps as the light is shone in his face.)

SCULLY: You never saw this. This didn't happen. You tell anyone, you're a dead man.

(Scully pushes him away slightly as Blaine whimpers. She walks away. Cut to the present day, X-Files office.)

He said I said what?

JOSE CHUNG: When I interviewed him, he claimed you threatened him.

SCULLY: That's ridiculous! I'm... and besides, we allowed him to view the autopsy.

(Cut to the autopsy room. Scully takes a scalpel to the alien's chest when Blaine bursts in. He sees the body.)


(He runs towards them, holding a video camera. Manners grabs him and pushes him back, trying to keep the camera off the autopsy.)

MANNERS: Hey, hey!

BLAINE FAULKNER: You can't suppress the truth! The people have a right to know! Roswell... Roswell!

MULDER: Hey! Does that video camera work?

(Manners and Blaine look at him. Blaine nods. Afterwards, the video camera records various horrible shots of the autopsy that don't show much. A gentler version of the X-Files theme song plays in the background. Scully inspects the mouth, then takes a sawblade to the alien's head. Yappi appears to a starry background.)

YAPPI: Is this actual footage of an alien autopsy?

(He raises his left eyebrow.)

Or simply a well-made hoax?

(Cut to the X-Files office, where Chung fast-forwards the tape.)

JOSE CHUNG: So this is footage of the actual autopsy you performed.

(Scully groans and walks by the monitor.)

SCULLY: This is so embarrassing.

(Scully looks at the case to the video: "Dead Alien! Truth or Humbug." A picture of Yappi is in the lower corner. Chung presses play.)

YAPPI: Who is that mysterious man who seems to be overseeing the proceedings?

(The camera does not show Mulder's face as it goes around the body, then zooms in on Scully.)

And what secret government agency does this autopsy doctor work for?

SCULLY: But see? Whoever got ahold of this footage edited it in such a way as to delete all the significant findings.

(In the autopsy room, Scully peels back the skin with forceps.)

There appear to be two layers of epidermis. There's a metal strip that runs just under the top layer down the...

(He looks up at Mulder.)

It's a zipper.

(Mulder looks closely, then Scully pulls off the "head" to reveal a dead human body instead of a dead alien one. She holds up the mask as Mulder frowns. After all of the costume is taken off, she takes off her mask. Everyone is dismayed.)

BLAINE FAULKNER: You mean it, it's... it's just a dead human being? Well...

(He gags and runs to the bathroom.)

MANNERS: Well, then who is this bleep?

MULDER: I don't know, but I bet we can find his I.D. from the, uh, military database.

(Scully carries a copy of the identification form, walking towards Mulder in a hallway.)

Have you seen our video cameraman?

SCULLY: No, but I found our alien's I.D. You were right, Mulder. Air Force Major Robert Vallee.

MULDER: That was fast.

(He looks down the hallway at two soldiers being led by the air force man in Chrissy's dream.)

AIR FORCE MAN: Agent Mulder?

(Mulder nods.)

We were notified one of our officers was confined here under your custody.

MULDER: Who notified you?

AIR FORCE MAN: Major Vallee is AWOL, sir. Our orders are to escort him back to the base.

SCULLY: Well, the major is dead. His body is being detained for further investigation.

AIR FORCE MAN: Investigation into what, ma'am?

MULDER: Possible kidnapping.

AIR FORCE MAN: May we at least view the body for verification?

SCULLY: I don't see why no...

MULDER: No, no, no, but you can talk to the other AWOL pilot that was brought in with him.

AIR FORCE MAN: Lieutenant Jack Schaffer is also in your custody?

MULDER: That's right. Yeah, he's, he's, he's right down...

(He points down the hallway and sees no one.)

Here. Oh. He, he was, he was here just a few minutes ago. I, I... I guess he's still AWOL.

(The Air Force Man glares at him.)

You want to take a look at Vallee?

(They walk into the autopsy room to find the body gone.)

AIR FORCE MAN: Hmmm. Guess he's still AWOL.

(He walks out.)

SCULLY: So what else is new?

MULDER: I got to find that video guy.

(Mulder walks off. Cut back to Blaine's room. He is watching the video. Scully talks in it as she works on the body.)

SCULLY: The wound is situated to the left of the midline abdomen. The edges of the tissue appear...

(There is a knock on the door. Blaine gets up and goes to the door.)


(The door is slammed forward into his face and Blaine yells a few times, falling backwards. The man in black walks in, followed by the second one. They step over Blaine and go to the VCR.)

Hey! You just can't... what do you think you're doing?

(Blaine stands.)

Hey, I...

(The second man in black grabs him on the shoulder. Blaine looks at him and smiles, knowing the man.)


(The first MIB rips the top off of the VCR, destroying it and takes the tape. Blaine runs to him.)

You have no right to suppress th...

(The MIB picks him up.)

Roswell! Roswell! Ros...

(Blaine is put into a sharp-looking side backbreaker and falls to the floor, unconscious. Blaine talks over the scene.)

I was unconscious for... I don't know how long. And the only reason I came to was...

(Seemingly no time passes, but Blaine is woken up by a sharp slap to the face by Mulder. Mulder, wearing all black, grabs him by the collar.)

MULDER: Where's the tape?

BLAINE FAULKNER: They took it.

(He is slapped again.)


(Blaine starts to cry.)

BLAINE FAULKNER: The other men in black.

MULDER: If I find out you lied to me, you're a dead man.

(He throws Blaine's head back to the floor. Blaine's eyes roll back into his head, lapsing back into unconsciousness. Cut to his interview with Chung.)

BLAINE FAULKNER: And that's when he left. I never saw any of them again.

JOSE CHUNG: Aren't you nervous telling me all this after receiving all those death threats?

BLAINE FAULKNER: Well, I didn't, I didn't spend all those years playing Dungeons and Dragons and not learn a little something about courage.


(He chuckles, then straightens his face and writes something down.)



(Mulder is driving down the road. Scully talks over the scene.)

SCULLY: After not recovering the tape, Mulder was heading back to the motel and that's when his account of things gets a little... odd.

(A man walks out into the room and Mulder screeches to a halt to not hit him. He looks at the man and turns around, driving after him. He drives alongside the man, who is half-naked and cut up.)

MULDER: Lieutenant Jack Schaffer?

(The man stops and looks at him. He grabs Mulder by the collar.)

JACK SCHAFFER: This is not happening! It's not happening! This is not happening. It's not happening. It's not happening.

(Later, they sit at a diner counter. Schaffer plays with his mashed potatoes with his fork. The cook is cleaning the counters near the front of the store. The pink neon sign shines brightly.)

Used to project the image of the Virgin Mary over the French trenches in World War One. The enemy's always willing to fire upon an invading force... but on a holy miracle?

MULDER: Or on visitors from outer space?

JACK SCHAFFER: Yeah, the enemy sees an American recon plane, they start shooting. They see a flying saucer from another galaxy... they hesitate.

(He puts down his fork.)

You know what happens to most people after seeing a UFO?

(He puts a cigarette in his mouth.)

MULDER: They experience "missing time."

JACK SCHAFFER: Any number of "soft option kills" will do... nerve gas... low frequency infrasound beams...

(He lights a match.)

Hell, with high-powered microwaves, you can not only cut enemy communications, you can cook internal organs.

(He lights the cigarette and shakes the match out.)

MULDER: But abductions?

JACK SCHAFFER: Don't know as much about them. I'm just the pilot. You ever flown a flying saucer?

(Mulder shrugs slightly.)

Afterwards, sex seems trite.

(He takes another drag.)

MULDER: But what do you do with the abductees?

JACK SCHAFFER: Take them back to the base. Let the doctors work on them. Nothing physical, they just mess with their minds.

MULDER: Hypnosis.

(Schaffer nods.)

JACK SCHAFFER: At the base, I've seen people go into an ordinary room with an ordinary bunch of doctors... and come out absolutely positive they were probed by aliens.

MULDER: But if abductions are just a covert intelligence operation and UFOs are merely secret military airships, piloted by aliens such as yourself... then what were you abducted by?

JACK SCHAFFER: Don't you get it? I'm absolutely positive me, my copilot, and those two kids were abducted but I can't be absolutely sure it happened. I can't be sure of anything anymore!

MULDER: What do you mean?

JACK SCHAFFER: I'm not sure we're even having this conversation. I don't know if these mashed potatoes are really here. I don't know if you even exist.

MULDER: I can only assure you that I do.

JACK SCHAFFER: Well... thanks, buddy. Unfortunately... I can't give you the same assurance about me.

(The door slams. Mulder and Jack look over to see a number of soldiers being led by the Air Force Man. Jack takes a drag of his cigarette and prepares to leave.)

Well, looks like I'm a dead man.

MULDER: Wait a minute, wait a minute. It can't all be fake memory implantations. What about that third alien? What, what was that thing?

JACK SCHAFFER: Who? Lord Kinbote?

(He stands.)

SOLDIER: Right, come on.

(Everybody walks out but Mulder. Cut to the X-Files office.)

JOSE CHUNG: That is odd. Because almost every day I was there, I ate lunch at that diner and became dear friends with the cook. He told me a story about the night you're talking about.

(He looks at another set of notes. Cut back to the diner. The neon sign now says "Ovaltine." Mulder walks in. Chung talks over the scene.)

A man walked into his place...

MULDER: Sweet potato pie.

(Chung continues talking.)

JOSE CHUNG: Sat down, ordered sweet potato pie, identified himself as F.B.I. Agent Mulder.

(Mulder sits and holds up his badge towards... us, effectively breaking down the fourth wall. The cook walks over and takes out a piece of pie.)

He then questioned my friend.

(The cook puts down a piece of pie in front of Mulder.)

MULDER: You ever seen a UFO in these parts?

(Mulder takes a huge bite. The cook watches him. Chung talks again.)

JOSE CHUNG: He then ordered piece after piece, each time asking another question.

(The cook picks up the empty plate and puts another one down.)

MULDER: You ever experienced a period of "missing time?"

(He takes another huge bite. Later, the cook replaces that empty plate with one with another piece of pie.)

You ever had the suspicion that you've been abducted by aliens?

(Another piece of pie is soon to come.)

Have you ever found a metal implant in your body?

(The cook shakes his head. Mulder digs into another piece of pie.)

Have you checked everywhere?

(The cook looks at him. Mulder stands and puts a bill down on the counter. Chung talks over the scene.)

JOSE CHUNG: He ate a whole pie in that fashion, then got up and left. My friend never saw him again.

(Mulder leaves.)

The cook never mentioned Lieutenant Schaffer, let alone any other Air Force personnel.

(Cut back to the X-Files office. Scully is placid.)

You seem non-nonplused by these contradictions?

SCULLY: Well, not after what happened when Mulder left the diner and got back to the motel.


(Mulder knocks on the door to Scully's room, number seventeen. The door swings open as he does.)

MULDER: Scully?

(Mulder sees the second man in black sitting on the bed, facing away. The first man in black is looking through her dresser. Mulder whips out his gun.)

Where's Scully?

1ST MAN IN BLACK: Oh. She, uh... she went to get some ice.

MULDER: Where is she?!

(Mulder is quite angry. Scully calmly walks in behind him, carrying a full bucket of ice. She puts it down on the nightstand.)

Scully, what's going on here?

SCULLY: Mulder, these gentlemen have something very important to tell you.

(The first man in black walks towards Mulder.)

1ST MAN IN BLACK: Some alien encounters are hoaxes perpetrated by your government to manipulate the public. Some of these hoaxes are intentionally revealed to manipulate the truth-seekers who become discredited if they disclose the deliberately absurd deception.

(Mulder puts the gun away and walks to the man.)

MULDER: Similar things are said about the men in black. That they purposely dress and behave strangely so that if anyone tries to describe an encounter with them, they come off sounding like a lunatic.

1ST MAN IN BLACK: I find absolutely no reason why anyone would think you crazy if you described this meeting of ours.

(The second man in black puts his hand on Mulder's shoulder. He bears an uncanny resemblance to Alex Trebek.)

2ND MAN IN BLACK: You're feeling very sleepy, very... relaxed.

(Chung talks over the scene.)

JOSE CHUNG: Alex Trebek?

(Cut to the X-Files office.)

The game show host?

SCULLY: Mulder didn't say that it was Alex Trebek. It was just someone that looked incredibly like him.

JOSE CHUNG: Did he? I mean, you were there.

SCULLY: Well, not exactly, I'm... I don't have any recollection of this. I... was surprised to wake up the next morning with Mulder asleep in my room.

(Cut back to the motel room. Scully is under the covers in her bed, Mulder is sitting in the opposite one.)

But, Mulder... I, I don't even remember letting you in.

MULDER: I told you, you didn't let me in. They were already here.

(The phone rings. Scully answers.)

SCULLY: Scully. We'll be right there.

(Mulder dips his hands in the ice bucket, finding water instead. Scully hangs up.)

That was Detective Manners. He said they just found your bleeping UFO.


(Mulder, Scully and Manners walk towards a downed plane. Soldiers are all over the place. A number of them carry out a body on a sheet.)

MANNERS: Apparently, that was the cause of all those UFO sightings three nights ago. They refused our assistance because it's some kind of top secret, experimental plane.

(They stop walking.)

MULDER: They don't want assistance. They want witnesses to their alibi.

(The officers carrying the body walk by.)

OFFICER: Excuse me, ma'am.

(Mulder looks at the body of Jack Schaffer. He runs after them. Another group of men pass carrying the body of Robert Vallee.)

MANNERS: Hey! That was the guy that was...

(Scully looks at him and runs off after them. Manners looks at the deserted wreckage.)



(Chung dots the last period harshly and glares at Scully.)

SCULLY: I know it probably doesn't have the sense of closure that you want... but it has more than some of our other cases.

(Chung closes his notebook.)


(Chung is typing on the typewriter. He hears murmuring outside and sees a silhouette in his window. He takes out his gun and slowly makes his way to the door. He opens it to see Mulder and another man starting off.)

JOSE CHUNG: Agent Mulder?

(He motions for him to come in. Mulder looks at the other man.)

MULDER: Thanks.

(Mulder walks in and Chung closes the door. They stand opposite each other at the desk.)

JOSE CHUNG: What can I do for you, Agent Mulder?

MULDER: Don't write this book.

(Chung sits. Mulder walks over to the left and stands next to a small dresser with books.)

You'll perform a disservice through a field of inquiry that has always struggled for respectability. You're a gifted writer, but no amount of talent could describe the events that occurred in any realistic vein because they deal with alternative realities that we've yet to comprehend. And when presented in the wrong way, in the wrong context, the incidents and the people involved in them can appear foolish, if not downright psychotic.

(He walks back to the right, in front of Chung's desk.)

I also know that your publishing house is owned by Warden White, Incorporated... a subsidiary of MacDougall-Kesler, which makes me suspect a covert agenda for your book on the part of the military-industrial-entertainment complex.

JOSE CHUNG: Agent Mulder, this book will be written. But it can only benefit if you can explain something to me.

MULDER: What's that?

JOSE CHUNG: What really happened to those kids on that night?

(Mulder looks down.)

MULDER: How the hell should I know?

(Chung stands in anger.)

JOSE CHUNG: Agent Mulder, I appreciate this little visit but I have deadlines to face.

(Mulder stares at him for a second, then walks out as Chung sits back down. Chung starts to type again, but stops and looks at the door. He talks over the scene.)

Evidence of extraterrestrial existence remains as elusive as ever...

(Cut to Blaine, pointing his flashlight to the sky as he is lifted up on the electric company crane. Chung continues to talk.)

...but the skies will continue to be searched by the likes of Blaine Faulkner, hoping to someday find not only proof of alien life, but also contentment on a new world. Until then, he must be content with his new job.

(Blaine screams as sparks fly off of the electric pole. Cut to El Cajon, California. A group of people sit on the floor, gathered around Roky, who is standing in front of a strange diagram of the earth with a triangle in the middle, much like an Egyptian pyramid. The triangle has an eye in each corner and clouds in the middle. Roky is wearing a crystal necklace. Chung continues to talk from his book.)

Others search for answers from within. Roky relocated to El Cajon, California, preaching to the lost and desperate.

ROKY CRIKENSON: And so, at each death, the soul descends further into the inner earth, attaining ever greater levels of purification, reaching... enlightenment at the core. Assuming, of course, that your soul is able to avoid... the lava men.

(He holds his crystal. Cut to the X-Files office, where she is reading Jose Chung's new book, "From Outer Space." Chung talks over.)

JOSE CHUNG: Seeking the truth about aliens means a perfunctory nine-to-five job to some. For although Agent Diana Lesky is noble spirit and pure of heart, she remains, nevertheless, a federal employee.

(Scully glares at the book. Cut to Mulder's apartment. Mulder lies in his bed, shirt off, watching television. He changes the channel. Chung continues his monologue.)

As for her partner, Reynard Muldrake... that ticking timebomb of insanity... his quest into the unknown has so warped his psyche, one shudders to think how he receives pleasures from life.

(Mulder watches the television intently, a shaky video camera footage of Bigfoot walking through the woods far away. Cut to Chrissy Giorgio, typing at her computer.)

Chrissy Giorgio has come to believe her alien visitation was a message to improve her own world, and she has devoted herself to this goal wholeheartedly.

(There is another rattling on the window. She goes to it and opens it to reveal Harold standing outside.)

CHRISSY GIORGIO: Oh, it's you. What do you want?

HAROLD LAMB: I just wanted to tell you I still love you.

CHRISSY GIORGIO: Love. Is that all you men think about?

(She closes her window. Harold's eyes tear up. Chung keeps talking.)

JOSE CHUNG: Then there are those who care not about extraterrestrials, searching for meaning in other human beings. Rare or lucky are those who find it.

(Harold starts off.)

For although we may not be alone in the universe, in our own separate ways on this planet, we are all... alone.


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