The characters, plotlines, quotes, etc. included here are owned by Chris Carter and 1013 Productions, all rights reserved. The following transcript is in no way a substitute for the show "The X Files" and is merely meant as a homage. This transcript is not authorized or endorsed by Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, or Fox Entertainment. It was painstakingly typed out by CarriK and made available for your personal enjoyment by me, DrWeesh from my website, The X Files Transcripts Archive


(Night. We see a hand take a cute Valentine's Day card "BE MY DREAM VALNETINE" and sign it "Love, Sheila XOXOX." Card goes out of frame then comes back with a heavy lipstick kiss mark on it. SHEILA FONTAINE, late 30s, slightly overweight, pretty, dressed in a red negligee sets the card down on a gift and lights a candle. She eats from a heart shaped box of chocolates and watches the weather on the local news channel KPJK Channel 5.)

ANNOUNCER: (on TV) This is really shining right out into the studio. (laughs) The malfunction cut off power to rural parts of Kroner County. Up next, the amazing story of two giant pandas in love. But first, let's check in with Holman Hardt and the weather.

HOLMAN: (on TV) Well, still no rain in sight for the Kroner Hills region as yet another winter storm passes south of us. I'll have all the numbers and my five-day forecast right after this.

(The door opens and SHEILA gets up to greet her boyfriend, DARYL MOOTZ. He is angry.)

SHEILA: Hey, baby, you're home early.

(DARYL holds up a newspaper wedding announcement "Fontaine to marry Mootz" with their pictures."

DARYL: Sheila, we got a really big problem here. What in the hell were you thinking?

SHEILA: (playfully dipping the negligee off of one shoulder) Happy Valentine's Day.

DARYL: We made a deal. We agreed to keep the engagement secret until I said so.

SHEILA: I know, but I just wanted everybody in town to know why I've been so happy the last few months. (kisses him, he pulls away)

HOLMAN: (on TV) yet another bone-dry day. Current temperature in Kroner is 45 degrees.

SHEILA: I know business has been slow but we can't stop living just 'cause it hasn't rained in a spell.

DARYL: Maybe we should just call off the engagement.

SHEILA: Don't do this, not today. It'll rain soon. I can feel it.

DARYL: I-I just need time to think. (looks at box of chocolates) Oh, look at that. And you wonder why your ass is so big.

(DARYL slams the door as he goes out.)

DARYL: (mockingly as he walks to his car): "It'll rain soon. I can feel it."

(DARYL gets in his car. Inside the house, SHEILA looks sadly at the wedding announcement, then picks up the stereo remote and flicks through stations. She stops at a song by the Carpenters "Rainy Days and Mondays" -very sad song - and looks sorry for herself.)

RADIO: (Carpenters) What I got they used to call the blues Nothin' is really wrong Feelin' like I don't belong Walkin' around …

(In his car driving down the road, DARYL begins singing along with the same station.)

DARYL AND RADIO: Some kind of lonely clown Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down...

(DARYL reaches into a cooler in his car and pulls out a beer and begins drinking it. Several empty cans are floating in the cooler. It begins to rain.)

RADIO: Funny, but it seems I always wind up here with you Nice to know somebody loves me Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do Run and find the one who loves me

(Heavy rain turns into hail. The windshield wipers are no use.)

DARYL: I'll be damned.

RADIO: What I feel has come and gone before

DARYL: Yee-ha! Ow!

(DARYL loses control of his car. He spins out and crashes.)

(DARYL's car sits by the side of the road. He appears to be in great pain. Hail hits him on the head. Close up of the hail hitting the ground shows that every other piece is shaped like a heart.)

RADIO: No need to talk it out We know what it's all about Hangin' around Nothin' to do but frown Rainy days and Mondays always get me down Hangin' around Nothin' to do but frown Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.



(Small airplane lands on a very small, very dry airstrip with nothing but an Airstream trailer. MAYOR JIM GILMORE and an eight year old in a leotard, RHONDA, the BATON TWIRLING GIRL approach. MULDER and SCULLY get out of the small plane. SCULLY looks at MULDER as if to say, "This was your idea." BATON TWIRLING GIRL presses a button on her cassette player and begins dancing and twirling her baton.)

SCULLY: (to MULDER) Don't look at me. This was your idea.

MAYOR: Agent Mulder, welcome to Kroner. I'm Jim Gilmore, the mayor. We spoke on the phone.

MULDER: Nice to meet you, sir.

MAYOR: If I'd have known you was bringing the missus, I would've arranged for fancier accommodations.

(MULDER purses his lips, smiles, and looks away as if to say "I'm staying away from that one.")

SCULLY: (professional) I'm Agent Scully, Agent Mulder's partner. I'm... sure the accommodations will be just fine.

MAYOR: (embarrassed) My apologies, ma'am. We appreciate your flying clear out here to help solve our crisis. I'd hoped for a bigger welcome, but, well... (to BATON TWIRLING GIRL) Okay, Rhonda that's enough. Go find your mama!

(The girl turns off the player and goes back behind the trailer.)

SCULLY: Uh, sir you mentioned a crisis. Agent Mulder has been a little … ah … vague as to the specifics of this crisis.

(MULDER looks innocent.)

MAYOR: It's all around us-- runted crops, field fires, bankruptcies... This drought is destroying people's lives, and it's wrong for a single man to prosper at the expense of others.

SCULLY: A single man?

MAYOR: Daryl Mootz. He's a local fella charging people for rain.

(MAYOR hands MULDER a brochure entitled "Rain King" with a picture of DARYL on it. MULDER glances at it and shows it to SCULLY. Apparently, he is already familiar with it.)

SCULLY: You mean cloud seeding?

MAYOR: The hell I do. I mean he shows up at a farm, does his dog and pony act and the heavens weep.

SCULLY: Well, sir, if this man Mootz could, in fact, somehow produce rain then what's the crime?

MAYOR: I believe Daryl's causing the drought... so he can charge folks for the rain.

(SCULLY looks at MULDER. He looks innocent.)

SCULLY: And this is what you told Agent Mulder when you spoke earlier?

MAYOR: Yes, ma'am. He seemed real eager to help us.

(SCULLY looks at MULDER. He looks innocently back at her.)


(MULDER and SCULLY get out of their rental car downtown Kroner and begin walking down the street.)

MULDER: Come on, Scully. You act like I intentionally misled you. Over the past 30 years this town has had more tornadoes heat waves and hailstorms than any other town in the country. It's like ground zero for extreme weather.

SCULLY: (not believing it) A man... controlling... the weather.

MULDER: Well, if that's true-- if Daryl Mootz is controlling the weather for profit-- then that is a crime and that should be investigated.

SCULLY: Mulder, I see the vacant buildings. I see the signs. These people are scared. But there have always been droughts and natural disasters and people are always looking for a scapegoat.

MULDER: Yeah, but how many scapegoats lease office space?

(MULDER holds the door as they enter a fancy office. CINDY, a very perky very young woman with curly blonde hair, is on the phone under a sign proclaiming "Rain King.")

MULDER: (holding out his badge) Agents Mulder and Scully with the FBI. We're looking for Daryl Mootz.

CINDY: (holding up a finger) One second. (into phone) Yes, ma'am. Appendix "C." That's right. I need a six-pack of beer, a carton of Morley Lights, and a big old bowl of jellybeans. And can you pick out all the green ones 'cause he don't like the green ones. You're welcome. (she hangs up and looks at MULDER and SCULLY) Now, what can I do for the FBI?

MULDER: We want to see the king.

CINDY: I'm sorry. Mr. Mootz is out of the state till this afternoon on business.

MULDER: Well, when you say "on business" you mean he's making it rain?

CINDY: Uh-huh. He's just across the state line into Nebraska. Town of Wymore.

SCULLY: If we could get a list of all the people who have employed his services, it would be helpful.

CINDY: (suspicious and defensive) I don't understand. Does he... Don't y'all need a warrant or a subpoena or something like that?

SCULLY: We usually just say, "please."

CINDY: What are you investigating Daryl for? He's a hero in this community.

SCULLY: So you actually believe that he makes it rain?

CINDY: I know it to be fact. He saved my daddy's farm. How dare you people.

(MULDER glances over to the TV where HOLMAN HARDT is giving the weather.)

HOLMAN: (on TV) ...the only rain in the area is localized up around Wymore...

CINDY: See? Daryl's making that rain.

SCULLY: Is it possible that he could have just followed it up there?

(CINDY glares at SCULLY, then pulls a desk drawer open and rudely hands SCULLY a sheet of paper.)

CINDY: Here's your damn client list. You'll see. Every one a satisfied customer.

MULDER: (still interested in the TV) This, uh, TV station-- is that far from here?

12:41 PM

(MULDER and SCULLY arrive at the local TV station. SHEILA runs up to greet them exuberantly.)

SHEILA: Oh! We were beginning to worry that you wouldn't make it. Is this your first time in a TV studio? How exciting. I couldn't be happier for the two of you.

SCULLY: I'm not su...

(MULDER stops SCULLY, interrupting whatever she was going to say. They watch as SHELIA runs and gets HOLMAN and brings him over. HOLMAN HARDT is a shy sweet man, same age as SHEILA.)

SHEILA: Holman, I'd like to introduce you to the Gundersons.

HOLMAN: (shaking their hands) Congratulations! I hope you have a truly romantic getaway.

SHEILA: Aren't you glad you watch Channel Five weather?

SCULLY: (showing badge) We're Agents Mulder and Scully. We're with the FBI.

SHEILA: FBI? Oh, my goodness! I thought you were the "Watch the Weather and Win" contest winners.

HOLMAN: See, we haven't had any rain in months and... well, people tend to blame the messenger.

SHEILA: Oh, there's the Gundersons. Over here!

(The GUNDERSON's, an older plain-looking farm couple come over. They look NOTHING like MULDER and SCULLY. Very funny.)

MULDER: (smiling at SCULLY) It's like looking in a mirror.

(Later, MULDER and SCULLY are in HOLMAN's office. They sit together on the couch.)

HOLMAN: When I first saw the pair of you I thought you were rather smartly dressed for a farm couple. Make yourselves at home.

MULDER: Well, from what I've read about Kroner you've had more than your fair share of unusual weather.

HOLMAN: Well, we certainly have. To you, Kroner must seem small and simple but through the eyes of meteorology-- low pressure systems, storm fronts, tornado watches-- Kroner is sophisticated, complex and... well... sexy. (SCULLY raises her eyebrows. MULDER nods, and grins at SCULLY.) And... frankly I can't imagine a more exciting place to be a meteorologist.

SCULLY: Uh, Mr. Hardt, what can you tell us about Daryl Mootz?

HOLMAN: The Mayor called you in, didn't he? He thinks Daryl's causing the drought.

SCULLY: You don't think he's responsible.

HOLMAN: Of course not. A huge high-pressure system is the primary culprit. There's no credible evidence to suggest that Daryl, or any man can be held accountable for our predicament.

SCULLY: Thank you. (to MULDER) Can we go now?

MULDER: No, no, um... What about the rain?

HOLMAN: Well, that's a more clouded issue if you'll excuse my pun.

MULDER: (holding the list they got from CINDY) I have a list of over 40 names here-- people in four different counties-- who claim that Daryl Mootz has made it rain for them.

HOLMAN: I went to high school with Daryl. Different social circles and... frankly, he's about the last man I would give credit to for anything...

SCULLY: I hear a big "but" coming.

HOLMAN: Daryl appears to be the real deal. I can't explain it, but... where he wanders, showers follow.

4:07 PM

(Very dry farm in Nebraska. Family and neighbors have a tent and lots of food set up. Looks like a family reunion. MULDER and SCULLY arrive and look around.)

SCULLY: Look at the desperation on these people's faces, Mulder. They're ready to believe anything.

MULDER: According to his schedule the King should have been here by now.

(A large red GMC pick-up truck, Kansas license plate RAIN KNG pulls up.)

FARMER AND FAMILY: Here he comes! Here he comes! He's here! Oh, isn't that sweet? That's sweet.

(DARYL gets out of the truck. He is missing his right leg from the knee down. CINDY hands him a pair of crutches and makes his way to a chair under the tent and opens a beer from a nearby cooler.)

DARYL: Man! What could we use around here, a little rain? (laughing) Oh, look at this! Ah! Take these, will you, somebody? (someone takes his crutches) Ah. Mmm.

(CINDY brings a large case over and opens it to reveal a booted prosthetic leg.)

DARYL: That is the wrong damn boot, now, isn't it, hon? Be a good girl, and go on and get me the red snakeskin.

(CINDY goes back to the truck. MULDER and SCULLY walk up to DARYL.)

DARYL: (sarcastically) Well, looky here. The FBI.

SCULLY: We just came to see the show. I guess, uh, we're a little early.

DARYL: Oh, ye of little faith. That truck out there of mine is a whole lot faster than my rain clouds.

CINDY: (coming back over with another prosthetic leg) Excuse me.

DARYL: (putting on the leg) Thank you.

MULDER: How do you explain your unique ability?

DARYL: I don't. It's complicated.

MULDER: Try me. I watch the Weather Channel.

DARYL: If you're wondering did I ask for this gift no, sir, I did not, no more than I asked to lose this here limb. But I should've expected it and I'll tell you why. Because I come from a long line of healing people. I'm a spiritual man, in touch... with the really real. The, the unseen real.

(He signals CINDY and she starts a tape player. Mid-tempo pop music begins playing and DARYL begins dancing.)

DARYL: And I... am one 64th Cherokee and I can summon up my ancestors to bring water to this thirsty land. Yeah!

(As DARYL gets more involved in his oh-so-strange dance, MULDER follows SCULLY a few yards away.)

SCULLY: Mulder, what are we doing here?

MULDER: Well, this is not without historical precedent. The Old West was full of traveling men who claimed to be rainmakers. The Pueblo Indians even had a rain dance.

SCULLY: Mulder, that is not a rain dance. My Irish Aunt Olive has more Cherokee in her than Daryl Mootz. I mean, look at him, Mulder. Does that look like a man who can control the weather?

(There is a thunderclap, and then MULDER and SCULLY are drenched as rain begins pouring down. The family begins squealing with delight and hugging each other. DARYL points his fingers like guns at MUDLER and SCULLY and grins triumphantly.)


(TV station. SHEILA comes into HOLMAN's workstation and sits companionably on his desk where he is typing on his laptop.)

SHEILA: Are we still going to the reunion together on Friday?

HOLMAN: Absolutely. Social event of the decade.

SHEILA: Hard to believe it's been 20 years since we finished high school. Where did the time go? What were those FBI people looking for?

HOLMAN: Oh, they were asking questions about Daryl. About making it rain.

SHEILA: I wish they'd just go back to wherever they came from and leave him alone.

HOLMAN: (disbelieving) You don't still love him, do you? I can't believe you still care about him after the way he treated you.

SHEILA: I know.

HOLMAN: He never loved you, Sheila. All he cared about was your money, and as soon as he got some of his own... he just …

SHEILA: He left. I know. But I think he used to love me.

HOLMAN: (gently) There are other men who will love you more.

SHEILA: FBI-- my lord. I don't think I'll be able to sleep knowing they're poking round.


(Night. Cool View Motor Court. Stormy weather. Sign is flickering. SCULLY turns restlessly in her bed, turns on the bedside light and looks in disgust at the banging sound then at the clock. 3:07-8 AM. She sighs and lies back down. MULDER is in his room looking through the file. "26 TORNADOS DAILY." The storm grows worse. He goes to the open window and sees a cow out in the field looking back at him. With a surprised "moo," the cow suddenly flies straight up into the air. MULDER looks up trying to figure out where it went, then leaps out of the way as the mooing again gets closer and the cow comes crashing through the ceiling landing on his bed.)


(Hotel, next morning. SCULLY is in MULDER's room looking up through the giant hole in the ceiling. A MAN WITH A CHAINSAW is getting ready to cut up the cow.)

MAN WITH CHAINSAW: Ma'am, unless you want to get covered in hamburger I reckon you should step outside.

(SCULLY leaves the room as the man starts up the chainsaw. The HOTEL MANAGER, a woman in a housecoat and fat curlers in her hair, follows SCULLY down the walkway.)

HOTEL MANAGER : Oh, miss, we moved your boyfriend's things into your room.

SCULLY: He's my partner, and we prefer separate rooms.

HOTEL MANAGER: Oh, old-fashioned are you, huh? Well, we're booked solid with the high school reunion. You can take it or leave it.

(SCULLY goes over to where a DOCTOR is checking a cut on MULDER's left arm.)

DOCTOR: We can just butterfly it. I've got my kit over in the car.

MULDER: Scully, I don't think it's a coincidence that a cow gets hurled at me just as we're down here investigating the weather.

SCULLY: (checking his scalp and forehead) Mulder, did they check you for head trauma?

MULDER: I'm telling you, that cow had my name on it.

(HOLMAN arrives and comes up to MULDER and SCULLY. He is very concerned.)

HOLMAN: Agent Mulder, are you all right? I feel terrible. If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate.

SCULLY: Perhaps there is. Mr. Hardt, would you please reassure Agent Mulder that this cow incident was, in fact, a natural phenomenon?

HOLMAN: With pleasure. Uh, it's my belief that a mini-twister picked that poor creature up, lifted it about 12,000 feet where the air cooled and, uh... I'm just grateful you weren't hurt any worse.

(SHEILA arrives. She is on the verge of tears.)

SHEILA: Excuse me.

HOLMAN: You shouldn't be here.

SHEILA: Holman, don't make this any harder. (to MULDER and SCULLY) It's my fault. I did it.

(Later they are sitting in SCULLY's room. SCULLY sits on the bed beside a crying SHEILA and periodically hands her tissues from a box. DOCTOR is bandaging MULDER's arm.)

SHEILA: (crying) I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen. It's not something that I can control.

MULDER: Are you saying that you're somehow responsible for the...

SHEILA: I murdered that poor cow!

SCULLY: Uh... Holman just explained to us that, uh, that a mini-twister is what caused the accident.

SHEILA: He's just being sweet, covering for me. He knows the truth. (sighs) This isn't the first time something like this has happened. The night of my senior prom a tornado demolished our high school...

(QUICK FLASHBACK: Exterior of high school gym. Heavy winds and rain. A couple in full prom regalia walking toward the building are suddenly lifted into the air and blown away by the storm.)

SHEILA: And then... On my wedding day, a day I'd always dreamed about the ceremony was outdoors on the Fourth of July weekend. It snowed six inches.

(QUICK FLASHBACK: SHEILA and wedding party stand outside in heavy snowfall.)

SHEILA: Then three years later my husband ran off with some gal from the phone company and on the day that our divorce was finalized I stepped out of the courthouse and... you know how you-you-you can see shapes in those big fluffy clouds?

(MULDER nods. SCULLY smiles tightly.)

SHEILA: Well... I swear that every cloud in that big blue sky was a face laughing at me...

(QUICK FLASHBACK: a very eighties looking SHEILA stands on courthouse steps looking up at clouds that all look like smiling faces.)

SHEILA: (sighing) And that was about ten years ago and that was the last time it happened until last night.

MULDER: What's your connection to Daryl Mootz?

SHEILA: Well... We used to be engaged. (sniffling)

SCULLY: You two were engaged?

SHEILA: Yeah, about six months ago and, um... we had a fight and he took a drive, and... and a... and a freak hailstorm cost him his leg.

MULDER: And ever since then, the rain's been following him.

SHEILA: Am I under arrest?

MULDER: No. I can tell you without a doubt that you're not responsible for any of that weather.

SHEILA: Oh... But...

MULDER: Agent Scully and I specialize in these types of cases and-and-and although you may have had some bad luck you didn't cause any of it.

SHEILA: Are you sure?

MULDER: Yeah, yeah, I'm... I'm sure. Scully, you have any doubts?

SCULLY: (definitively) No.

MULDER: You see?

SCULLY: No doubts.

SHEILA: I really want to believe you. Thanks.

(SHEILA kisses MULDER's hand affectionately and gazes up at him. SCULLY raises brows.)

MULDER: You're welcome.

(SHEILA leaves after clasping HOLMAN's hand.)

DOCTOR: That hailstorm didn't cause Daryl's car crash.

MULDER: What are you talking about?

DOCTOR: The weather was bad, but Daryl was drunk and driving too fast.

HOLMAN: Drunk? I... never heard that.

DOCTOR: We all felt that Daryl losing his leg was punishment enough.


(Nebraska farm. CINDY is massaging DARYL's shoulders as he sits in the tent while it rains outside.)

DARYL: People don't realize how hard a work this is. I mean, sure, it looks like I'm just sitting here, but... My powers of concentration... Oh, yeah, oh, right there, yeah, yeah. Yeah, oh, you... You're worth every penny. Now, what was I saying?

CINDY: "Powers of concentration."

DARYL: Yeah, right. Right. I... m-my brain's functioning on something like-- I don't know-- 14 different levels taking in a whole bunch of variables like wind velocity and-and humidity and...

CINDY: Daryl... Do you hear that?

DARYL: Hear what?

CINDY: The rain stopped.

DARYL: Uh-oh.


(Motel. SCULLY's room #10. MULDER is lying on SCULLY's bed going through the file. SCULLY enters and sits in the chair.)

SCULLY: Next flight out is 10:00 tomorrow morning.

MULDER: Look at this, Scully (holds up newspaper) September 20, 1991, it rained rose petals for nearly an hour.

SCULLY: (exasperated) Mulder, we're going home. The rain stopped this afternoon. Daryl Mootz is being sued by about 50 people. There's no case... And you told Sheila yourself that she wasn't controlling the weather.

MULDER: She's not. Neither is Daryl. Check this out-- on the same day that it rained rose petals. "Irene Hardt, beloved wife and devoted mother passed away yesterday afternoon... She's survived by one son, Holman Hardt."

SCULLY: Oh, so, now you're saying that Holman Hardt...

MULDER: Holman Hardt is manufacturing the weather. Did you see how relieved he was when he learned that Daryl was drunk? I've been doing some checking. Holman Hardt has been hospitalized five times with nervous exhaustion, each time coinciding with a major meteorological event.

SCULLY: Mulder, it is still a huge leap to say that he's manufacturing the weather.

MULDER: Most people will admit that the weather plays a significant role in the way they feel, right? There's even that disorder.

SCULLY: "SAD"-seasonal affective disorder.

MULDER: Mm-hmm, yeah. Well, who's to say that it doesn't work the other way around-- that the way someone feels can affect the weather... that the weather is somehow an expression of Holman Hardt's feelings or-or-or better still, the feelings that he's not expressing?

(SCULLY gives him "A Look.")


(HOLMAN's dressing room.)

HOLMAN: I've tried to say this a thousand times... tried to express the... fire that burns inside this... humble exterior. Sheila, you're the reason I remained in this town all these years.

(His phone rings but he ignores it.)

HOLMAN: I wake up each day knowing...

(Phone rings again. Sighing in frustration, Holman turns away from the mirror that he was talking to and answers the phone.)

HOLMAN: Hello?

SHEILA: Holman, it's me. Working late?

HOLMAN: Sh-sheila, hi. (stammers) Yeah, um... I was just thinking about you. I'm looking forward to the reunion tomorrow night.

SHEILA: Me, too.

HOLMAN: You sound in a good mood.

SHEILA: Well, I am, Holman, and it's all because of you. I wanted to let you know that I've been thinking about what you said about Daryl yesterday and I realized that you were right.

HOLMAN: I was?

SHEILA: Yes, you were, and I am so over him. "Daryl who?" That's what I say. I realized that I've been chasing the wrong kind of guy. I need someone who I can talk to. I need someone who I can feel safe with.

HOLMAN: (so happy he can barely speak) I can't tell you what that means to me.

SHEILA: Holman, I want to ask you something and I hope that we can keep it our secret for the time being.

HOLMAN: Of course, Sheila, anything.

SHEILA: Well, what do you think of Agent Mulder?

(Outside the studio, thunder crashes.)


(Next morning 9:40 AM. TV station. MULDER knocks and enters HOLMAN's office.)

MULDER: Hey, Holman.

HOLMAN: Agent Mulder.

MULDER: I've come to say good-bye, Holman.

HOLMAN: You're leaving.

MULDER: Yeah. But I want you to get some help before you kill somebody.

HOLMAN: Help? What are you talking about?

MULDER: You know what I'm talking about. You're not just a weatherman, you're the weatherman. You're the person who's been affecting the weather.

HOLMAN: Agent Mulder, if I could control the weather don't you think I would make it rain? That I would end this drought?

MULDER: I don't think it works that way. I don't think you don't do it on purpose. I just think you bottle up your emotions-- anger, grief, or love or whatever-- and then, as a response, it rains or hails or there's a flying cow.

HOLMAN: That poor animal.

MULDER: And whatever it is, you got to let it out.

HOLMAN: I can't.

MULDER: Yeah, you can. (sits beside him) It's Sheila, isn't it? You love her. You've always loved her. That, uh, tornado at the high school... that was you, wasn't it?

HOLMAN: The night of our senior prom, I, uh... accidentally stumbled upon her and her boyfriend... in flagrante delicto. And the next thing you know...

MULDER: And you've never told her the way you feel?

HOLMAN: How can a frog tell a swan that he loves her?

MULDER: Well, you better tell her or you're going to kill somebody. (crosses to the door)

HOLMAN: W-well, you got to help me.

MULDER: I got a plane to catch.

HOLMAN: You can't go. If you don't help me, who will?

MULDER: I am meeting my partner at the airport.

(MULDER's cell phone rings.)

MULDER: Excuse me. Hold on. (into phone) Mulder.

SCULLY: (on phone) Mulder, it's me.

MULDER: (on phone) I'm on my way.

SCULLY: (on phone) I'm not so sure. Have you looked outside lately? It's pea soup. Our plane can't take off until after this fog lifts.

(She looks out the window at a barely visible car.)

MULDER: (on phone) Fog? (looks accusingly at HOLMAN) Holman!

(HOLMAN shrugs.)

SCULLY: (on phone) Holman?

MULDER: (on phone) Yeah... he wants advice. Dating advice.

SCULLY: (on phone) Dating advice? From whom?

MULDER: (on phone) Yours truly. (VERRRRY LOOOONG pause) Hello? Hey, Scully. Scully, you there?

SCULLY: (on phone) I heard you. Mulder, when was the last time you went on a date?

MULDER: (on phone, one word at a time) I will talk to you later.

SCULLY: (to herself, after hanging) The blind leading the blind.


(RAIN KING office. CINDY runs an adding machine tape and hand it to DARYL who looks at it in disbelief.)

DARYL: This red number?

(CINDY nods sadly as he bangs his head on the desk.)

CINDY: Daryl, you're like one of those tragic rock stars. You know, like, like Jim Morrison or Kurt Cobain. You just shine too bright for too short a time. (strokes his hair) We'll tell our kids all about it.

DARYL: Kids. Can't afford kids. If I don't come up with a lot of cash pronto I am in deep doo-doo.

CINDY: Dairy Queen will take me back. I get almost six dollars an hour.

DARYL: Shh. I'm thinking. There's got to be somebody...

CINDY: We'll get the money, baby.

DARYL: (sudden realization) Sheila.

CINDY: (sharply) what about her?

DARYL: Cindy... You have been real sweet and all but I think we can use some time apart.

CINDY: What? Are you breaking up with me?

DARYL: Nothing personal. (leaves)


(TV station)

HOLMAN: I've been envious of men like you my whole life. Based on your physical bearing, I'd assumed you were... More experienced. I mean... You spend every day with agent Scully a beautiful, enchanting woman. And you two never, uh...? (no response from MULDER) I... confess I find that shocking. I... I've seen how you two gaze at one another.

(Long pause. Then MULDER puts his arm on HOLMAN's shoulders and leads him toward SHEILA's office.)

MULDER: This is about you, Holman. I'm here to help you. I'm perfectly happy with my friendship with Agent Scully.

HOLMAN: So according to your theory I walk in there, tell her I love her and the drought will end?

MULDER: (straightens HOLMAN's tie) Just tell her how you feel.

(HOLMAN starts to go into SHEILA's office.)

MULDER: And Holman. I do not gaze at Scully.

(HOLMAN enters SHEILA's office.)


SHEILA: Hey. I can't find my notes for my... (finds a folder) …presentation. Here they are.

HOLMAN: You got a minute?

SHEILA: For you, always. Are you excited about the high school reunion tonight?

HOLMAN: Of course. Uh... You're busy. We can talk later.

SHEILA: Oh, what is it?

(HOLMAN stares at her.)

HOLMAN: (stammers) I... I love you.

SHEILA: (with friendly love) I love you, too. Holman. What's wrong?

(MULDER is standing outside the office, waiting for HOLMAN.)

WOMAN IN TV STATION: Is that rain? (thunderclap) Oh, my gosh, it is! It's raining!

(MULDER looks out the window as it begins raining heavily. HOLMAN comes out of SHELIA's office.)


(SHEILA comes out of the office and smiles at MULDER. Doesn't glance at HOLMAN.)

SHEILA: Good afternoon, Agent Mulder. See you tonight, Holman.

(She leaves.)

MULDER: (grinning at HOLMAN) Oh, you did it.

HOLMAN: (morbid) No, you did it.

MULDER: What are you talking about?

HOLMAN: She said that she loves me but that she's in love with you.

(MULDER looks at him in shock.)

(Out in the hall DARYL confronts SHELIA and grabs her arm.)

DARYL: What do you mean there's somebody else?

SHEILA: Daryl, this isn't the place.

DARYL: Just tell me who it is.

SHEILA: Let me go!

MULDER: (entering) Hey! Hey, Daryl. Cut it out, man.

(SHEILA looks at MULDER worshipfully.)

DARYL: (jealous) Him? This is the guy?! Oh, what's he got that I ain't got?

SHEILA: A job. A way with words. Intelligence. Good looks.

DARYL: Good looking? I'll show you good looking.

(Clumsily, DARYL swings at MULDER who easily dodges.)

SHEILA: Daryl! No, not his face!

(DARYL swings again.)

MULDER: Daryl.

SHEILA: Don't you hit him in the face!

(MULDER swings DARYL around and up against the wall and handcuffs him.)

DARYL: Oh, good. Picking on a cripple. You'll hear from my lawyer.

SHEILA: (to MULDER) You deserve a big reward.

(MULDER shakes his head. SHEILA grabs MULDER and kisses him passionately, pushing him against the wall, just as HOLMAN and SCULLY come around the corner into the hall. HOLMAN just stares in shock then leaves quickly. SCULLY looks surprised, mouth open, and takes a deep breath as MULDER, embarrassed, pulls away, hands on his hips. He has bright red lipstick smeared over his lips. SHEILA smiles.)

SCULLY: (uncomfortable) Mulder, the fog has lifted and if you're ready... the plane is waiting.

MULDER: (looking through a window at a weather monitor) Scully, do you know anything about, um... weather radar?

SCULLY: A bit. Why?

MULDER: What does red mean?

SCULLY: Thunderstorms, I think.

(SCULLY joins him at the window. A storm of hurricane proportions is approaching the area.)

MULDER: Looks like we're not going to be able to catch our plane.

8:33 PM

(Rain is pouring outside a gym decorated in a Wizard of Oz theme. Disco ball. Balloon rainbow. Couples at their 20th reunion dance to 70s tunes. Balloon decoration proclaims "There's No Place Like Kroner." Buckets are set around to catch the leaks.)

MUSIC: So I'd like to know where You got the notion
Said I'd like to know where You got the notion
Rock the boat Don't rock the boat, baby
Rock the boat Don't tip the boat over
Rock the boat Don't rock the boat, baby
Rock the boat...

(Thunder crashes outside. MULDER and SCULLY look around the dance floor.)

SCULLY: Seven inches in the past six hours. The national weather service has issued a flash flood warning for the county. Mulder, are you sure he's here?

MULDER: If she's here, he'll be here.

MUSIC: So I'd like to know where You got the notion Said I'd like to know where You got the notion So I'd like to know where You got the notion So I'd like to know where You got the notion...

(MULDER and SCULLY find HOLMAN and pull him out into the hall.)

MULDER: Come on, Holman, now make it stop.

HOLMAN: This is your fault, not mine.

MULDER: My fault?

HOLMAN: You were kissing her.

(Lights flicker. SHEILA joins them in the hall.)

SHEILA: Oh, look who's here's some of my favorite people. Old friend, … (crosses to MULDER and smiles at him) … and new ones.

HOLMAN: You look very lovely tonight, Sheila.

SHEILA: Thank you. You look handsome. (to MULDER) Both of you.

(Intro for "The Things We do for Love" begins playing.)

SHEILA: Oh, I love this song. Agent Mulder, care to dance?

SCULLY: Holman was just telling us that, uh, that he wanted to dance.

MULDER: Yes, he was.

HOLMAN: I would be honored.

SHEILA: (disappointed) Okay.

MULDER: (desperate) Tell her, Holman.

MUSIC: You lay your bets and then you pay the price...

SHEILA: What was that Agent Mulder said? Tell me what?

HOLMAN: Oh, no big deal.

SHEILA: We tell each other everything, don't we?

HOLMAN: Well... um... when I stopped by your office this afternoon... when I said that...

SHEILA: When you said you loved me.

HOLMAN: What I meant to say... what I wanted you to understand... is that I'm in love with you. That I've loved you since high school.

MUSIC: Ooh, you make me love you Ooh, you've got a way...

(MULDER and SCULLY stand watching SHEILA and HOLMAN. They are swaying to the music. Very funny. As thunder crashes, SHEILA runs away from HOLMAN and into the bathroom. MULDER and SCULLY look at each other.)

MULDER: I'll build the ark, you gather the animals.

(SCULLY heads to the bathroom.)

MULDER: (calling after her) I was kidding.

(SCULLY enters the ladies room where SHEILA is staring at herself in the mirror.)

SCULLY: Sheila... (clears throat) my partner has a theory and even though I don't share his belief I feel that, given the circumstances you should hear his theory because it involves you and Holman. Agent Mulder believes that the drought, this storm these bizarre set of weather conditions that have plagued you over the years are... are caused by Holman. Specifically, that... that his emotions are somehow manifesting themselves in the weather and Agent Mulder believes that-that Holman is... unwittingly destroying this town because of his unspoken love for you.

SHEILA: You love him, don't you?

SCULLY: (softly) What?

SHEILA: You're jealous because Agent Mulder and I have a special connection and you're trying to divert me to Holman.


(Back out in the gym, DARYL enters the dance floor through an outside door. He is unshaven and drunk. He is using his crutches.)

DARYL: It is good to be the king! It is good to be the king! Where's Sheila?

MULDER: Where's your leg?

DARYL: Cindy took it. Said I'd have to crawl back to her. Now, where's Sheila?

(In the bathroom.)

SHEILA: (disbelieving) Not even a kiss? (SCULLY shakes her head) Trust me, the man knows how to kiss. I just never thought of Holman that way, you know. He's my closest friend. And to not even suspect...

SCULLY: Well, it seems to me that the best relationships-- the ones that last-- are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is... suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with.

(The sinks begin filling up with dirty water.)

SCULLY: The storm drains are filling up. Let's get out of here.

(They run back out to the dance floor where DARYL is swinging his crutches at MULDER.)

DARYL: I'll teach you to mess with my woman. If I had two legs I'd kick your...

(DARYL falls against a chair. The electricity fails.)

SCULLY: I called the police.

MULDER: You might want to take a look at the king-- make sure he's all right. Whatever happened to Sheila?

(SHEILA walks up to where HOLMAN is sitting alone with his head in his hands.)

SHEILA: Is it true? That you make the weather? Because of me? The tornado in high school, snow at my wedding?

HOLMAN: I'm so sorry.

SHEILA: Daryl's rain?

HOLMAN: Can't explain the logic of it. Yes. Some strange manifestation of guilt.

SHEILA: Even this rain? Because you love me?

HOLMAN: Because... I love you.

(SHEILA kisses him softly.)

SHEILA: That is the most romantic thing I've ever heard.

(SHEILA kisses him passionately. Electricity comes back on with sparks and flashes.)

WOMAN: It stopped!

(Lots of cheering and applause. Music comes back on with JUDY GARLAND singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow.")

MUSIC: Somewhere Over the Rainbow Way up high...

(CINDY runs in with one of DARYL's legs under her jacket.)

DARYL: I'm sorry, baby.

CINDY: Me, too. I brought you a leg.

DARYL: Oh...! Why you so good to me, honey?

(They kiss.)

MUSIC: ...Somewhere over the rainbow Skies are blue And the dreams that you dare to dream ready to come true...

(All the couples are dancing and kissing. MULDER and SCULLY look around.)

MULDER: I didn't know reunions could be so...


(HOLMAN and SHEILA walk up to MULDER and SCULLY.)

MULDER: Well, how'd it go?

HOLMAN: You should try it sometime. Shelia?

(MULDER and SCULLY watch them leave.)

MUSIC: ...Away up on the chimney tops That's where you'll find me...


(Nine months? Later. SHEILA is at home watching the weather while cuddling her baby.)

HOLMAN: (on TV) I can't imagine a more beautiful day than today. We have about a 30% chance of showers tomorrow which should make all of our farming friends real happy.

MUSIC: ...Bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow...

SHEILA: (to the baby) You're a chip off the old block, yes, you are. Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

MUSIC: ...Why, oh, why can't I?

(Camera pans outside the window to show rainbow ending in the back yard.)


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