The characters, plotlines, quotes, etc. included here are owned by Chris Carter and 1013 Productions, all rights reserved. The following transcript is in no way a substitute for the show "The X Files" and is merely meant as a homage. This transcript is not authorized or endorsed by Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, or Fox Entertainment. It was painstakingly typed out by Alexandre Doctor-X and DrWeesh, and made available for your personal enjoyment by me, DrWeesh from my website, InsideTheX.

11:52 PM

(Night. Best friends BLAKE McCORMICK and MICHAEL DALEY are sitting on the bonnet of a car, parked outside a Van Nuys house in a quiet neighbourhood. BLAKE is whistling "The Brady Bunch" theme song.)

BLAKE: So, what do you think, man?

MICHAEL: What do I think about what?

BLAKE: That's the Brady Bunch house. That's "the" house - where they shot "The Brady Bunch."

MICHAEL: What are you on? Crack? Does that honestly look like "The Brady Bunch" house to you?

BLAKE: From inside it does. Straight up, dude. I was there delivering a pizza last night, and the guy who lives there is all, like, tryin' to crowd the door so I can't see inside. But then... he drops his Crazy Bread and bends down... and *boom!* I see it all, man! "The Brady Bunch" house. (BLAKE squashes his can and tosses it onto the pavement. He gets off the bonnet and walks over to toward the house.) I'll prove it.

MICHAEL: No! Wait!

(Seconds later, BLAKE knocks on the green front door of the house.)

MICHAEL: What are you doing? Blake? It's midnight, man.

BLAKE: My honour's at stake, man.

(There is no reply to the knocking.)

MICHAEL: All right, nobody's home. Let's go. Come on.

BLAKE: It's not even locked.

MICHAEL: You're trippin', dude.

(MICHAEL and BLAKE quietly open the door and walk into the house.)

BLAKE: Huh? See? (Giggling) I told you.

(MICHAEL can't believe his eyes. It's an exact copy of *the* Brady house.)

(MICHAEL and BLAKE start exploring the living room, noticing all kinds of things.)

BLAKE: This is exactly like the show. look at this! That weird horse sculpture (laughing) and the vase that Peter broke. Mama always said, "Don't play ball in the house." You remember that one?.

MICHAEL: I don't understand this.

BLAKE: Who's on crack now, huh?

(Breaking the silence, a dusty American football slowly bounces down the stairs, stopping as it reaches the floor. )

MICHAEL: (Calling up the stairs) Hello?

(BLAKE picks up the football.)

BLAKE: Remember the episode where Marcia broke her nose? She got hit with a football, right?

(MICHAEL looks spooked by the whole course of events.)

MICHAEL: Screw this, man. I'm outta here.

BLAKE: Daley, don't be a puss.

(MICHAEL reaches the door, opens it, and leaves quickly, leaving MICHAEL alone in the house.)

BLAKE: Daley?

(BLAKE places the football down on the side. We hear children's laughter coming from the first floor. BLAKE turns and starts up the stairs. He reaches to the top of the stairs and slowly moves down the corridor toward the laughter.)

BLAKE: H-Hello?

(BLAKE turns a corner upstairs and finds two young children, brightly dressed, standing in the corridor.)

BLAKE: Bobby? Cindy?

(The two children turn and enter a bedroom. BLAKE races down the corridor to the doorway. He turns the doorknob and enters.)

BLAKE: Wait! Wait!

(Outside, MICHAEL is waiting for BLAKE in the car, tapping his fingers on the wheel and checking the time on his watch.)

MICHAEL: Come on, man! Come on!

(Suddenly, MICHAEL is startled by a noise, similar to a gunshot. He looks around. Suddenly the roof of the car is crushed downwards, caving in from something heavy landing on it. MICHAEL starts feeling around. The glass of the driver's door is smashed, and MICHAEL manages to pull himself out of the car. He turns as he climbs out and looks up at the car roof. Lying in the middle of the roof lies BLAKE, dead.)

MICHAEL: (Shocked) Oh, my God ...

[Fade to black]



(Day. Outside the house in Van Nuys the next day. DOGGETT and REYES are looking towards the heavens. They're trying to work out what happened.)

DOGGETT: I'm tellin' ya.

REYES: No. I don't see how.

DOGGETT: Well, how else do you explain it? A guy falls from a plane, or a... I don't know, maybe a helicopter. Out the door and then... (falling whistle) ... bam. Simple as that.

REYES: And how, exactly, did he wind up in a helicopter, when supposedly he was busy breaking into someone's house at the time?

DOGGETT: Details.

(DOGGETT finds a piece of material on the car. He retrieves it, placing it in an evidence bag.)

REYES: What you got?.

DOGGETT: Maybe nothin'.

(A Police Car pulls up in front of the house. MICHAEL gets out.)

MICHAEL: You the people from the FBI?

REYES: Michael Daley?

MICHAEL: Yeah. Is someone finally gonna arrest that freak?

DOGGETT: Well, how about you tell us what you witnessed, and then we'll go from there.

MICHAEL: What I witnessed was Freaksville, man! My friend was murdered. Who would have thought this could happen at "The Brady Bunch" house.

REYES: That's not "The Brady Bunch" house.

MICHAEL: Yeah, it is. I mean, I know it doesn't look like it, but... but it is. That's where they shot the show.

REYES: No, they shot the show on a soundstage in Hollywood. The house they used for the exteriors is a split-level in Studio City. (Smiling) I took a picture of it once.

MICHAEL: I'm telling you, it's like some kind of creepy Brady Bunch museum in there. I told the cops to search the place, but they wouldn't listen to me. But whatever the hell happened to Blake, it happened right in there.

(Later. DOGGETT knocks on the door and a middle-aged man, OLIVER MARTIN, opens the door.)

DOGGETT: Oliver Martin?

(He nods yes.)

REYES: Mr. Martin, I'm Agent Reyes. This is Agent Doggett. We're with the FBI.

OLIVER: This is regarding the death that happened across the street?

DOGGETT: Yes, Sir. May we come in?

OLIVER: I-I already talked to the police about this..

REYES: Yes, Sir, we know.

OLIVER: As I told them, I didn't see or hear anything. I wasn't home at the time.

MICHAEL: This guy's stonewalling. Kick the door in.

DOGGETT: Shut up.

OLIVER: I'm... really kinda busy.

REYES: Mr. Martin, just five minutes and we'll be out of your hair.


DOGGETT: Unless you want us to get a warrant, and then... we could be here for hours.

(MICHAEL pushes past them into the house.)

MICHAEL: Right in here, see?

(MICHAEL stops in his tracks. The house looks nothing like it did earlier.)

MICHAEL: What happened? This isn't what I. saw. None of it. It's all different. Where'd it all go?

OLIVER: I'm... not following.

MICHAEL: What happened to all the Brady Bunch stuff?

REYES: Uh, Mr. Daley was under the impression that your house was used for the filming of "The Brady Bunch", the television show.

OLIVER: Well... it wasn't.

(Moments later, MICHAEL and the Agents leave the house and walk into the street.)

MICHAEL: I know what I saw.

(MICHAEL walks off. DOGGETT and REYES stop at the end of the driveway. DOGGETT looks up on top of the roof.)

REYES: What are you lookin' at?

DOGGETT: I want to check somethin' out.

(DOGGETT goes to a green rubbish bin in the backyard. He opens it and finds an identical piece of roof tile that matches the piece he found earlier on the car.).

DOGGETT: Ah-ha. Hold this, please?

(REYES takes the evidence bag. DOGGETT climbs up on the roof and sees a freshly tiled section of the roof. It looks much cleaner than the rest of the roof.)

DOGGETT: (grunts) Ah-ha.

REYES: Twice with the "ah-ha's."

(DOGGETT climbs down.)

DOGGETT: (sigh) The roof's been patched. When I was inside, I knew I smelled fresh plaster.

REYES: So, are you gonna fill me in?

DOGGETT: A - Eyewitness places the deceased inside this house just prior to the time of his demise. B - We found a fragment of roofing shingle at the scene of the impact. It would seem it matches the discarded piece you now hold in your hand. C - There's a hole in the roof, recently patched, this big around. Connect A to B to C.

REYES: Much in the fashion of, say, Daffy Duck or Wiley Coyote, the deceased shot straight up through the roof, flew high into the air and landed on his buddy's car? (Sceptically) You're serious?

DOGGETT: A to B to C. I gotta tell ya, I think I'm finally gettin' the hang of this job.


(Later. SCULLY is examining BLAKE'S body in the autopsy room. She is using a voice recorder to note her findings.)

SCULLY: (Into microphone) Case number 1-4- dash-3-0-8, Blake McCormick. A well nourished Caucasian male, 24-years-old. I will begin with my external examination. (She walks around the body, noticing a large amount of grey material stuck in BLAKE'S head.) And here is a likely place to start.

(SCULLY hears a rattling noise and walks over to her instrument tray. A scalpel is rattling around in the tray, all on its own. She reaches out and touches it. She gets a small electrical shock.)

SCULLY: Ahhhh!

(The rattling stops. She is dumbfounded.)

7:08 PM

(DOGGETT and REYES are sitting in an office. They are video-conferencing with SCULLY, who is still at work at QUANTICO.)

DOGGETT: Help me out here, Agent Scully. Monica thinks I'm losin' my marbles. What can you tell us about what happened to this guy?

SCULLY: Well for starters, Mr. McCormick was dead before he landed on the car. His skull was pulverized from a previous impact. And judging by the roofing material that I found in the wound, I'd say that Agent Doggett's theory holds water.

REYES: Well, like I asked Agent Doggett, how exactly can that be?

SCULLY: Electricity.

DOGGETT: How's that?

SCULLY: Or maybe electricity is only a by-product. I'm... I'm not really sure. But... look, I had an odd experience today. And, uh, and it made me think to try something unusual. I borrowed an EEG machine, and I wired Mr. McCormick to it. And for the last few hours, he's been putting off a faint reading.

REYES: Are you saying he's alive?

SCULLY: No. He's dead as a hammer. Uh... what I'm reading is some sort of residual electricity, like a... like a battery that's draining off its charge. (A monitor shows a faint reading.) It's fascinating. I mean, I've never seen anything quite like it.

REYES: But what does it mean?

SCULLY: Well, if Mulder were here, I'd, uh, imagine he'd talk about research linking electromagnetic fluctuations to levitation, poltergeist activity, ghost sightings ...

DOGGETT: Ghosts and poltergeists? That's what Mulder would say?

SCULLY: At the end of the day, I wouldn't have any theory that was any better. And I don't now.


(Later that night. Across the street from the Brady Bunch house, MICHAEL is pouring a can of beer on to the ground in a mark of respect to his dead friend.)

MICHAEL: Here's to you, buddy.

(He takes a final drink from the can and then tosses it aside. He walks over the road toward the house. He climbs over a chain link fence and walks round to the back of the house. He looks through a window and sees ALICE BRADY in the kitchen, tending to the oven. He carries a tray of food through to another room.)

ALICE: (Carrying food) Well folks, I made pork chops and apple sauce.

ALL: Oh!

(MICHAEL looks through another window into the dining room window. He sees the entire BRADY family sitting at the table, enjoying dinner.)

(MICHAEL runs around to the front door. He charges at the door which gives way after two attempts. He runs into the house and finds the dining area completely deserted. Standing in a doorway behind him is OLIVER MARTIN.)

MICHAEL: What is this, man? What in Holy freakin' hell is this, man?

OLIVER: (Whispering) Please ... leave.

(MICHAEL is getting agitated.)

MICHAEL: They were here. I saw 'em! I saw 'em all!!

OLIVER: (Whispering) Leave... before it's too late.

MICHAEL: I saw the Brady Bunch.

(OLIVER slowly shakes his head. Suddenly MICHAEL begins to rise into the air. It takes him a few seconds to realise he is rising up. He tries to reach the floor with his feet, but continues to rise upwards.)

MICHAEL: Oh, my God! What are you doing? Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

(Getting closer to the ceiling, MICHAEL screams out. He suddenly accelerates and smashes through the ceiling. Roof tiles and plaster fall down towards OLVIER, who is standing below.)


(Day. Outside the house the next morning. A white sheet covers MICHAEL'S body. As the sheet is pulled away, we see his body is lying about a foot below the surface of the lawn. DOGGETT and REYES examine the body.)

(Behind the garden fence, a REPORTER is trying to direct her cameraman for her story.)

REPORTER: Over here, guys! Get the body in the background!

REYES: Smile. All of Southern California's watching us scratch our heads in confusion.

(The REPORTER is giving her report to camera as DOGGETT and REYES continue to check the scene for clues.)

REPORTER: ... second time in one week, as this morning police were called to the house.

DOGGETT: So let's go get some damn answers.

REPORTER: There they found the body of a young man. Although authorities have yet to release any information...

(Later. DOGGETT pounds on the front door.)

OLIVER: I've said all I'm gonna say to you people! You don't like it, go get your warrant!

(OLIVER slams the door in their face.)

REYES: He called your bluff. Maybe we can get a warrant.

(They walk away from the door.)

DOGGETT: Yeah. Judge, I want to toss the house of a man who makes people magically zoom into the sky. It has somethin' to do with electricity and poltergeists and what not. (Chuckling at the thought) Yeah, that'll fly.

(DOGGETT'S cell phone rings. He stops and answers.)

DOGGETT: Doggett.

SCULLY: So, the owner won't talk, huh?

(We see SCULLY is watching REYES and DOGGETT on the TV. The report is on Channel NEWS 6 LIVE - Death In Van Nuys. We can see DOGGETT and REYES in the background.)

REPORTER: (on TV) There you see the two officials...

DOGGETT: Excuse me?

REPORTER: ... who we assume...

SCULLY: (to DOGGETT) Smile. You're on TV.


SCULLY: I'm in Los Angeles at the Field Office. I've called in someone whom you'll both want to meet.


(Later in the Field Office. The room is darkened as SCULLY plays a film to DOGGETT and REYES. We see a young boy sitting at a table in front of some coloured blocks.)

DR. REITS: (On film) April 4th, 1970, 10:36 AM. Present for this test are John Reits, speaking, and Anthony Fogelman, age 8. Hello, Anthony. (Anthony waves to the camera) Are you ready to begin? (Anthony nods) Good. Now, relax. Relax and focus. Almost immediately the EEG is registering an increase of fast beta wave activity on all leads. Theta activity is rising as well. Oh, my goodness. Oh! My goodness. (DR. REITS gasps.)

(The film turns white. SCULLY turns off the projector and opens the blinds. DR. REITS is sitting across a table from DOGGETT and REYES. He is a late middle aged man, wearing a neat red and white striped necktie.)

DR. REITS: Well, there you have it. My right hand to God, all four blocks rose off of the table, and spiralled halfway to the ceiling before they fell.

REYES: Too bad that wasn't on film.

DR. REITS: (Laughs) The understatement of a lifetime. Whatever phenomena caused this, I also believe that it radiated an electro-magnetic field strong enough to defog the image. Well, don't be polite. Call me crazy. Everybody does.

DOGGETT: I believe you. (REYES looks stunned at DOGGETT'S admission.) Did you recognize that kid? That was our suspect, Oliver Martin. Right?

SCULLY: I went through Mulder's reference books. Van Nuys, California, 1970, one of the best documented cases of what was initially thought to be poltergeist activity. It focused on a young. boy, Anthony Fogelman, who has since changed his name. And Doctor Reits was the parapsychologist who investigated it.

DR. REITS: Objects flew around the house. Rooms would grow inexplicably cold. Strange voices would be heard. Anthony's mother was at the end of her rope. I spent six months with her and her son. Six astonishing months.

REYES: What did you learn?

DR. REITS: That Anthony was as bewildered as everyone else. But that he was responsible for all of it.

SCULLY: He was psychokinetic.

DR. REITS: (Nodding) He was the Mozart of psychokinesis.

REYES: Sir, in your line of work, why would you fall out of touch with the Mozart of psychokinesis?

DR. REITS: (Pausing) Over time, Anthony's abilities faded. The last few months I was with him, there were no manifestations of it whatsoever.

SCULLY: He lost his power?

DOGGETT: We're lookin' at this guy for two murders. What can you give us that we could actually take to a judge? Was he... Was he an angry kid? Was he violent?

DR. REITS: I can't say what he grew up to be. I... haven't spoken to him in 30 years. But the Anthony I knew... was a lonely little boy.


(Standing on a stepladder, OLIVER is finishing patching the ceiling of his house. He climbs down and walks over to the window, looking outside. He closes the curtains. He closes his eyes briefly and when he opens them, his home is transformed into the Brady House. As he looks around, all of the Brady children come running down the stairs, giggling to each other. As the pass OLIVER, they all say goodbye to him.)


JAN: Bye!.

(OLIVER smiles. The phone rings, bringing him straight back to reality. The answering machine picks up. It is DR. REITS.)

DR. REITS: This is a message for Oliver Martin. Oliver? I believe I knew you years ago as Anthony. This is Dr. John Reits calling. Remember me? It's been far too long, and uh... I'd love... I'd love to talk to you. I'd really... like to catch up. Obviously, uh, you're all grown up now. It's funny. I have trouble picturing that. My God, how time flies. But, uh, anyway...

(The stepladder begins to vibrate.)

DR. REITS: ... you can reach me any time on my cell phone. 714-555-0146. I look forward to hearing from you. Bye now.

(The plaster blade suddenly flies across the room, straight past OLIVER. It imbeds itself in the phone, which lies on the floor.)


(Moments later in the FBI Field Office. DR. REITS puts down the phone.)

DR. REITS: I guess he's not home.

DOGGETT: He's home.

(REYES is working at a computer in the room. She finds something.)

REYES: Ah- ha. I was wondering why a man with no criminal record would change his name. And then I thought about the name itself. Oliver Martin. It sounded familiar, so I ran it.

DOGGETT: Through what, NCIC?

REYES: No. A Brady Bunch website. It popped right up.

(On REYES' monitor we see a BRADY BUNCH website. The page has a picture of Cousin Oliver.)

DOGGETT: Cousin Oliver. Who the hell's that?

REYES: Carol Brady's nephew. He came to live with the Brady's during the last season of the show.

DOGGETT: You're speaking Greek to me here, uh ... What's this case have to do with an old TV show?

REYES: You remember what Michael Daley claimed he saw inside that house? He said it was the Brady Bunch house. He seemed certain of it. And now this name, Oliver Martin? Just connecting A to B to C.

(DOGGETT smiles at REYES.)

DOGGETT: (To DR. REITS) Does this make any sense to you? When you knew Anthony, was he nutty for the Brady Bunch?

DR. REITS: No. We'd watch it together.

DOGGETT: (To REYES) Okay, say he is. What's it mean?

REYES: Well, why name himself after cousin Oliver? None of the other Brady's particularly liked Oliver. He was a self-described pest.

SCULLY: A jinx. Cousin Oliver, the Jinx. (SCULLY tries to explain her knowledge of the show.) Oh, so maybe I watched an episode or two. Uh... so what you're saying is that, uh, his choice speaks to Anthony Fogelman's character. How he views himself. Um, unlucky, star-crossed, a danger.

DOGGETT: Okay, so be it. Just tell me how this helps me bust him, and uh, I'm happy.

SCULLY: Well, I'm starting to hope that it doesn't come to that.

REYES: What do you mean?

SCULLY: Well, the power that this man seemingly possesses is extraordinary. It needs to be studied.

DR. REITS: It could expand the scope of human knowledge. It could change everything.

SCULLY: It very well could. I mean, I've... I've been working this unit for nine years now. I-I've investigated nearly 200 paranormal cases. We are due for some incontrovertible proof. I want vindication, for ... for Mulder and ... for all of us.

(DOGGETT and REYES nod in agreement.)


(Later. Outside OLIVER'S house.)

(DR. REITS knocks on the door as DOGGETT looks in one of the windows. We see the house number is 8554.)

DOGGETT: What in the hell?

(DOGGETT tries the door, but it's locked.)

DR. REITS: What is it? Agent Doggett, what?

(DOGGETT picks the lock and they enter.)

DOGGETT: Wait here.

(DOGGETT closes the door and enters, finding himself inside the Brady house. He walks around. A noise upstairs draws his attention and he heads up the stairs to investigate.)

DOGGETT: Oliver Martin? FBI!

(DOGGETT finds OLIVER at the end of the hall.)

OLIVER: Get out of my house.

DOGGETT: Oliver, there's someone here that wants to talk to you. Dr. Reits - you remember him?

OLIVER: Why won't you people just leave me alone? Please, get out..

(DOGGETT begins to levitate and grabs onto the doorknob to try and stay on the ground. He continues to float up, hanging upside down onto the doorknob. His hand lets go of the door and he crashes through the ceiling.)

[Fade to black]


(Moments later DOGGETT comes to. To his horror, he realises he is lying on his back upside down on the attic ceiling. A light bulb hands down.)

DOGGETT: Oh, crap.

(He stands up on the ceiling and tries to jump down, but can't. He calls out to DR. REITS.)

(Outside the house, DR. REITS hears DOGGETT's calls.)

DOGGETT: Oliver? Dr. Reits? I need some help up here. Oliver? You up there? Down there? Whatever the hell?

(DOGGETT sees OLIVER through the hole in the floor.)

DOGGETT: Oliver? Oliver?

(DR. REITS is now upstairs in the house looking for DOGGETT.)

DR. REITS: Anthony?.

DOGGETT: Hey! Hey! I'm up here! Dr. Reits! Help me out here!

(We see ANTHONY kneeling down around a corner as DR. REITS approaches.)

DR. REITS: Anthony?

DOGGETT: Come back here, man! He's dangerous!

DR. REITS: Anthony?

(ANTHONY stands up as DR. REITS sees him.)

DR. REITS: Anthony, let him go.

OLIVER: I can't.

DR. REITS: Sure you can.

OLIVER: No. I don't know how.

DR. REITS: Anthony, you're a good person. I know that hasn't changed. Relax, and focus, remember? (ANTHONY nods) Good. Relax ... and focus.

(OLIVER starts to sob. DOGGETT suddenly falls through the ceiling with a loud crash.)


(Later on in the living room. DOGGETT is holding an evidence bag filled with ice on the back of his head. REYES and SCULLY enter, amazed at what they see.)

REYES: Oh - my - God. This is ... Are you all right?


(SCULLY checks his head.)

SCULLY: Just minor bruising.

DOGGETT: Dana Scully? Meet Oliver Martin.

DR. REITS: Uh... Anthony Fogelman.

OLIVER: Oliver.

SCULLY: Oliver. It's a great pleasure to meet you.

REYES: Where did all this come from, Oliver? How did you make this come to be?

OLIVER: (Exhaling) I think about it, and it's here.

SCULLY: Can you think about other things? (Pause) What happens if you think about another place? A nice place?

DR. REITS: Can you do that, Oliver? Please? It's important to me.

(OLIVER concentrates and suddenly they are in an open field next to the ocean. SCULLY stands up in amazement.)

SCULLY: Oh, my god.

(The illusion remains for a moment, then disappears. OLIVER is out of breath.)

OLIVER: Mainly... I like to be here.

(SCULLY is in awe of OLIVER.)

SCULLY: Oliver? With your help, we could learn so much. I would love to take you back with us to Washington.

DR. REITS: It would mean so much to me, Oliver, to show the whole world.

(OLIVER nods his head.)

DR. REITS: Wonderful. Let's go get you packed.

(OLIVER and DR. REITS go upstairs.)

DOGGETT: We've got a tiger by the tail.

REYES: Do you believe he intended to kill you?.

DOGGETT: He wanted me out of his house, and the way I went, it was involuntary like a sneeze. What the hell difference does it make? It means he's not in control of this power of his.

SCULLY: Well, I think that's where we can help him. I mean, he needs to learn how to control his powers. I mean, my God. There's no end to what he could accomplish.

DOGGETT: And there's no end to the harm he could cause if he goes off the deep end, which isn't too long a walk for this guy, in case you haven't noticed. I mean, this whole Brady Bunch thing? I'm not so sure about this.

REYES: Well, we can't keep him here. Two people are dead. Clearly, this isn't working.

SCULLY: And besides, I mean... as grand as this may sound, we owe it to the world.

DOGGETT: Maybe. Except that I can't shake this feelin' that the other shoe's gonna drop. That there's somethin' Oliver's not tellin' us.

(Upstairs. OLIVER comes out of a bedroom, holding the football in his hands.)

DR. REITS: Oliver? You coming?

(A blue spark shoots out of his hand and he drops the football to the floor. He looks more shocked than hurt.)

DR. REITS: Oliver?

[Fade to black]


(AD SKINNER'S Office. SKINNER is shocked to find himself levitating about two feet in the air. REYES is smiling.)

(DR. JAYCOCKS examines SKINNER, who suddenly begins doing back flips in the air. SCULLY laughs.)

(SKINNER comes back on the ground, amazed.)

SKINNER: (Laughing) Wow!

OLIVER: (His voice is now raspy) May I have a glass of water?

(SKINNER's assistant, ARLENE, pours him a glass of water.)

SKINNER: We'll only be a minute. Anything you need just, uh, ask Arlene.

(SKINNER comes back in the room, shaking his head.)

SCULLY: So, what do you think, Dr. Jaycocks?

DR. JAYCOCKS: What do I think? I think there's a hell of a lot of physics books that are due for major rewrites.

(SCULLY laughs.)

DR. JAYCOCKS: And I think a year from now, you and Dr. Reits will be in Stockholm accepting the Nobel Prize. (SCULLY and DR. REITS smile) This will change everything. May I use your phone?


DOGGETT: So, you're onboard with this?

(SKINNER sighs.)

REYES: What happens next?

SKINNER: I want Kersh to see this. I want the Director himself in here. I mean, do you realize what this means? This kind of proof? It ensures that they can't shut you down. It means the X-Files will go on forever.

(Outside the room there is a loud bump.)

ARLENE: (gasp) Oh!

(ARLENE suddenly bursts into the office.)

ARLENE: Agent Scully?!!

(In the entrance room to SKINNER'S office, OLIVER is having a seizure on the floor.)

SCULLY: He's having a seizure. What happened?

ARLENE: I saw a big spark, and then he just collapsed.

(SCULLY kneels on the floor, protecting OLIVER'S head. DOGGETT picks up the phone.)

DOGGETT: We need an ambulance. We got a man havin' a seizure. Fourth floor, AD Skinner's office. Make it quick.


(Later. Hospital room. OLIVER rests as DR. REITS sits next to him. REYES and DOGGETT are standing at the foot of the bed, watching over OLIVER.)

DR. REITS: It was just all the excitement. A little bed rest will do him wonders, and we'll get things right back on schedule.

(SCULLY motions for them to join her outside in the corridor.)

REYES: What do his doctors say?

SCULLY: Oliver's electrolytes were severely imbalanced. That's what sent him into shock. They've stabilized his fluids.

DR. REITS: Well, when will they release him?

SCULLY: Well, there's other problems. His thyroid level is elevated, his glucose is low, CPK liver enzymes and BUN, they're all elevated.

DOGGETT: Which in a nutshell means?

SCULLY: It points to a multi-system organ failure. Gradually, his body is consuming itself. It's been going on for months, and ... maybe even years.

REYES: Well, what's causing it?

SCULLY: His doctors have no idea, but I think I'm starting to.

DOGGETT: This power of his, it's eating him alive.

SCULLY: And if so, it follows that the more he uses it, the more his health will decline ... until finally ...

(REYES notices something strange in OLIVER's room.)

REYES: What in the hell?

(The entire Brady family is standing around OLIVER's bed. They rush in.)

SCULLY: Oh, my God.

(They rush back in, only to find OLIVER alone.)

DR. REITS: Oliver?

REYES: Oliver, those people just now? Was that... Were they...?.

(OLIVER nods his head yes.)

DOGGETT: Why were they here?

OLIVER: To say goodbye.

SCULLY: Why goodbye, Oliver?

OLIVER: Because I'm dying.

(SCULLY, REYES, DOGGETT and DR. REITS watch in silence as OLIVER lays back in bed, clearly exhausted.)


(In the X-Files basement office, DR. REITS' film of young ANTHONY is on the screen. DOGGETT is watching it.)

DR. REITS: (On film) April 4th, 1970, 10:36 AM. Present for this test are John Reits, speaking, and Anthony Fogelman, age 8. Hello, Anthony. Are you ready to begin?

(SCULLY, DR. REITS and REYES enter.)

DOGGETT: Any change in his condition?

SCULLY: Well, they're trying everything they can think of. Experimental drugs, plasma transfusion.

DOGGETT: None of that's gonna work.

DR. REITS: Why not?

DOGGETT: Because they're treatin' the symptoms, not the cause.

REYES: What do you have, John?

DOGGETT: One big question. Why "The Brady Bunch"? Seriously, you two are fans. Why are people still watchin' a 30 year old TV show?

REYES: Because... they're the family everyone wishes they had. Loving parents, lots of brothers and sisters, everybody getting along.

SCULLY: They're the, uh, perfect family. And since Oliver didn't have one as a child, he ... created one.

DOGGETT: Sure, I'd buy all that. But in this case, why "The Brady Bunch"? Why not "The Partridge Family"? Why not "Eight Is Enough"? (to DR. REITS) Where was Oliver when you first saw "The Brady Bunch"? He was with you, right?

DR. REITS: He'd always insisted we watch it together, every week I was there.

DOGGETT: And the longer you two were together, the more his psychokinetic power faded, until finally it went away completely. Now, what do you think that was?

(Long pause. DR. REITS slowly realises DOGGETT'S reasoning.)

DR. REITS: Because for the first time in his life, he was happy.

DOGGETT: Because he was with you.

SCULLY: Well, what are you suggesting is the course of action, John?

DOGGETT: A - Oliver's gonna die if he continues to use his power. B - his power goes away when he's happy. And C - you're the father he never had, and he loves you. A to B to C.

(REYES, SCULLY and DR. REITS silently agree with DOGGETT'S theory.)


(Later in Oliver's hospital room. A male ORDERLY is trying to feed OLIVER.)

ORDERLY: Come on, Oliver. You gotta eat somethin', man. Doctor's orders.

(DR. REITS enters the room.)

ORDERLY: (to DR. REITS) Talk to him, will ya?

(The ORDERLY exits.)

DR. REITS: Oliver? You have to understand. My life's work ... the vindication of it, it's so important to me. I let it blind me. I treated you like ... a lab rat, and not a man. And 30 years ago, I left, with barely a goodbye. I am sorry for that. You can't use your power. Not ever again. I forbid it.

OLIVER: I can't be alone.

DR. REITS: You won't be. You've got me. Can you forgive me, Oliver?

OLIVER: Anthony.

(DR. REITS laughs with happiness. He sits down at OLIVER'S bedside. The agents watch on from the corridor as DR. REITS feeds OLIVER.)

DOGGETT: So close, Dana. I'm sorry you don't get your proof.

SCULLY: Me too. Well, maybe I've had it these past nine years. If not proof of the paranormal, then ... of more important things.

(After pausing to look at OLIVER, SCULLY walks off down the corridor, leaving DOGGETT and REYES in the hallway.)

DOGGETT: Well, here's hopin' the TV stays off and he learns how to love the real world.

(REYES reaches down and takes his hand in hers.)

REYES: I think you are getting the hang of this job.

(REYES and DOGGETT smile warmly at each other.)


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