Hi, I'm Ed O'Neill, star of famous American Sitcom "Married with Children", and I'm here to tell you all how to acquire that great American quality of "Selleckness".

Step 1: Get yourself a Ferrari - red of course

Step 2: Get yourself a gun - preferably an Uzi, and a door

Step 3: Befriend small little people with guns

Step 4: Get naked (with a gun)

Step 5: Go to 'Nam

Step 6: Get an Attitude

Step 6: Get your own long running worldwide TV series

Step 7: (Optional) Kop off with Monica from Friends

So, until we meet again, I'm Ed O'Neill and Goodnight ...

Whoooaaa Bundy ...

Click here to return to the Tom Selleck Cupboard of Worship.